[Dingle-Dingle]

I was in Boots the chemist with the G/F earlier and she threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me......

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I got really emotional this morning at the petrol station..

I don't know why..

I just started filling up

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

In the old days of Black and White television, there was a couple who had a cookery show, Johnny and Fanny Craddock.
Last week I found one of Fanny's recipes for scones and thought, I'm going to follow it and make some scones. I followed the recipe to the letter.
The scones came out of the oven and looked fantastic, I had the urge to eat one there and then, but I knew they needed to cool. After a while they got the better of me, I cut one open, the aroma wafted up my nose, could wait any longer. so ate it.
The scone was warm, soft, moist, smelt and tasted just like Fanny's.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Me and a mate pulled two women in the pub last night.
We got them drinks and had a good laugh. At closing time, my mate asked...ok ladies our place or yours.
The two women looked at each other, giggled, then one said, sorry both of us on are on our menstrual cycle.
My mate looked at me, turned to the women and said...no problem I've got a cycle rack on me car.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I was listening to the radio earlier when AC/DC came on.......

I rushed to get my Air Guitar only to find the G/F had hidden it.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

After months of unemployment and bad luck I've just been offered a job in a telescope factory.
Things are really looking up.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I have been suffering from Insomnia for months , so I went to see the doctor ..
He gave me some tablets and said take these an hour before you go to bed and I guarantee you'll sleep like a baby ....
Well Thanks Doc it WORKED and I did ! .
I woke up with my THUMB in my mouth and I had Shit myself ! .

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My sex life is like a Ferrari.
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I don`t have a Ferrari.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Here`s a brilliant joke for all you mind readers out there......

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I went to the Doctors today and he said I had some sort of virus. He also told me to disinfect everything I touch a lot...........

I think this is going to be very painful.

DD