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#1,201
03-09-2016, 13:12
"Dad," said my young son, "what does it mean when a cow lays down?"

"It means she's full after her tea, and now it's time for Coronation Street."

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#1,202
05-09-2016, 01:00
No matter what I do for the kids my G/F is always finding fault with me.
I bought my 2 year old daughter her very first jigsaw yesterday and as usual the G/F went mental.

Yelling and screaming something about her being to young for power tools..

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#1,203
05-09-2016, 02:19
To spice up our love life, my G/F got herself some crotchless knickers from Anne Summers.
When I got home from work, she was sat on the sofa wearing her new knickers, and as I looked, she opened and shut her legs a couple of times.
I asked, are you wearing crotchless knickers?
The G/F smiled and said, oh yes, I sure am.
I replied, thank Christ for that, for a moment I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa.

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#1,204
05-09-2016, 12:18
BREAKING NEWS : Apple have abandoned plans to build cruise liners after their prototype "The iTanic" kept syncing whenever it docked.

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#1,205
05-09-2016, 14:16
My G/F has hearing problems, she went to the Doctor's the other day. The Doctor asked her if she could describe the symptoms.

She replied, yes, Homer has a yellow face and Marge has blue hair.

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#1,206
05-09-2016, 17:27
Today the G/F complained of having a head cold......

I said "It`s probably because you`re so fat".

"How can being fat cause a cold"? she said.

I said "Cause your heads never out of the fridge"!!

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#1,207
06-09-2016, 11:40
I had an interview for a new job yesterday.

The HR lady said "So tell me about yourself".

I said "I`d rather not....... I really want this job"!!

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#1,208
07-09-2016, 00:55
Was in the Butchers today, pointed to the bacon and asked for 6 rashers,
The Butcher said, lean back.
I asked, why is it going to fly off the slicer?

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#1,209
07-09-2016, 10:45
My G/F went absolutely crazy last night when she caught our daughter having sex with her boyfriend.


Not as crazy as me though, I didn't even know that my G/F had a bloody boyfriend.

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#1,210
07-09-2016, 19:14
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh"......

I never understood that until I saw 2 midgets fighting in Aldi earlier.

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