[Dingle-Dingle]

An old prostitute jumps into Beefy´s Taxi. But when she got to her destination she found she had no money on her.
She lifts her skirt and say´s to Beefy, "Can i pay with this?"
Beefy looks at her and say´s "Have you not got anything smaller?"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Beefy goes in to the ice cream shop, and asks the lady to pack half a pint of best vanilla into a condom. As she's doing so, she asks him 'why the strange container?'

'Well,' he replies, '2 years ago the wife wanted a new oven for her birthday, so I worked lots of overtime and bought one. Last year she wanted a new TV, so again I worked lots of overtimne and bought one. This year she wants a deep freeze for her birthday, but there's no overtime going ..'

DD

[talkSAFT]

Advice please, lads (and lasses).

I'm thinking of having a full body tattoo, but I want it to look really individual, like.
So I'm thinking of having it done in Polynesian for "Don't I look a xxxx?"
My missus says I'll look xxxx stupid in 10 years time, but I think it's worth it. And anyway, in 10 years time there'll be millions of tw*ts like me who want our original skin back, so I'm hoping the NHS will help out. After all, we were all young once and made mistakes, so xxxx everyone else. If it's good enough for pr*cks like David Beckham, I'll have some of that.

[Dingle-Dingle]

"GIVE IT TO ME she screamed. GIVE IT TO ME NOW ,I`M SO ´EFFEN WET, I WANT IT RIGHT NOW!"
She could scream all she wanted, i was not giving up my umbrella for anything. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I asked the G/F if there was anything special she was wanting for her birthday..
She said., "No Dear.,Just get me something from The Body Shop.."
So i've just bought her the front nearside wing for her Ford Focus..
No doubt it will be the wrong fukcin colour!! DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Mrs Beef comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear.
Beefy asks, "Why are you so happy?"
Mrs Beef says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old."
"Oh yeah?" quipped Beefy, "What did he say about your forty-five year old c- - - ?"
She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Beefys making love to his wife. He asks her "Can you moan to get me more excited?"
She says "the taps dripping, you ain't paid the bills, & your breath stinks, and just look at them skidmarks in your grollys again!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Two Irish friends leave the pub. One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to
walk all the way home.'
'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus
home.'
'We could steal a bus from the depot.' replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other
keeps a look-out.
After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing?
Have ye not found one yet?'
'I can't find a No. 91'
'Oh Jeysus Christ, ye t'ick sod, take a No. 14 and we'll walk from the
roundabout.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The worlds thinnest man and the worlds thinnest woman got married today in the sleepy village of Orskin.
A close Family relative said they are now on their honeymoon and said to be having "a rattling good time."

   

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A woman went to the cinema with her dog and on the way out she was stopped by a man. He said to her " I'm sorry to bother you but I noticed that your dog watched the film all the way through, crying at the right times, hiding during the scary bits and laughing during the funny bits. Don't you find that a bit odd?"

"Well yes" said the woman "That is odd. He hated the book."

DD