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#861
10-12-2015, 22:49
What does One Direction and my Christmas tree have in common?

They both have ornamental balls.

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#862
11-12-2015, 02:42
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail??

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#863
11-12-2015, 11:48
Little Johnny climbs onto Santa's lap at the department store. Santa says, "I'll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S."
The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa tries again, tapping Johnny's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y. And don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!

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#864
11-12-2015, 12:51
Be careful how much you drink this Christmas. It`s not just Santa out there..........

   

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#865
11-12-2015, 20:13
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee.
One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!

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#866
11-12-2015, 22:52
How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ?
Olive ?
Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

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#867
11-12-2015, 23:53
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

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#868
12-12-2015, 14:06
Why is Christmas just like your job?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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#869
13-12-2015, 03:53
How can you tell a family doesn't celebrate Christmas?

The lights are on, but nobody's a gnome.

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#870
13-12-2015, 13:19
What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas day?

A pack of batteries with a note saying "toy not included".

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