[Dingle-Dingle]

I don't agree with the new law on not smoking in a car with under 18's in it. Last week my grandkids got soaking wet in the rain while I was having a fag in the car. They were literally banging on the windows begging me to let em in, but as I explained to them, it's illegal. Stupid law really. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I`ve been sat in the pub for hours now waiting for the G/F to pick me up. FFS. How long does it take to have a baby?? DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I switched off my ex-wife's life support machine last night and realised how strong a person I am.

You try unplugging something while four doctors are trying to wrestle you to the ground!!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I took my grandkids trick or treating, and they shat themselves when they looked through old Mr Jones' window and saw a decaying corpse sitting in the chair.

He must have been planning it for months, because I haven't seen him since March.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My Grandson said to me..... "Whats in Grandma`s pants"?

I said "A door and I have the key to it".

He said "Well you better change the lock because the next door neighbour has a spare key"!!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A priest is walking down the street and a women standing on the corner calls to him and says "Hey father, you want a quickie, only £5". The priest promptly says "No Thanks" and continues down the street.
A little while later another women calls from a door way of a building and says "Hey father, you want a quickie, only £5". The priest again says "No Thanks" and continues down the street.
Another while later another women calls from a window of a building and yells down "Hey father, you want a quickie, only £5". The priest again says "No Thanks" and continues down the street.
He finally gets back to his parish and goes up to one of the sisters there. He asks her "What's a Quickie?" to which she promptly replies "£5, the same as in town.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Why do women claim to be too tired for sex........

Then stay up all night arguing about it??

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A little boy has Diahorrea and says "Mum I need some Viagra"

His Mum asks "Why"??

Little boy says......... "Isn`t that what you give Dad when his shit won`t get hard"??

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The female Praying Mantis devours the male within minutes of mating.........

While the female Human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"



Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

DD