[Dingle-Dingle]

An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra.
The doctor said, "That's no problem.How many do you want?"
The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."
The doctor said, "That won't do you any good."
The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right. I don't need them for sex any more as I am over 90 years old.
I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't piss on my shoes."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Our neighbours dog shat in our garden, so my G/F told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence.

I don`t see what that achieved, we`ve still got dog shit in the garden and the neighbours now have our shovel.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running.....

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I told my Psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices.

He told me that I don`t have a Psychiatrist.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Why are there never any good side effects to medication??

Just once I`d like to read a tablet box and see,


"May cause extreme sexiness".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. It`s very realistic. If you put your ear to it I`m sure you can smell the sea.

DD

[Zinman]

Why are there never any good side effects to medication??

Just once I`d like to read a tablet box and see,


"May cause extreme sexiness".

DD    

A few years ago I was living in the US where all their commercials for pills finish by reeling off (very quickly) all the potential side effects. There was one for "restless leg syndrome" which stated that possible side-effects include an increased sex drive and a compulsion for risk taking and gambling..........my legs have never been more peaceful! 

[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F is now an internet porn star.

She will be so pissed when she finds out. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Top gears new presenter. 1St picture.

   

DD 

[silverbaggie]

Top gears new presenter. 1St picture.



DD 

Replacing one plonker with another