[derbybaggie]

I’ve just come back from the jungle where I saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes.

I turned to my guide and said "that lizard’s really funny!"

The guide replied, "that's not a lizard...He's a standup chameleon."

[derbybaggie]

Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.

Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs.

[Salopbaggie]

Went in for a prostate exam today.
When the exam was finished the doctor left the room and the nurse came in
She shut the door and said those three words no man wants to hear

“Who was that?"

[derbybaggie]

My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness.

That came out of nowhere.

[derbybaggie]

I thought I saw Michael J Fox at my local florist.

I'm not 100% sure though as he had his back to the fuchsias.

[derbybaggie]

I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they've never even seen one of his paintings

[Salopbaggie]

Went swimming today.
Had a sneaky pee in the deep end.
Unfortunately the lifeguard saw me.
He blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.