[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F was trying on her new dress.

"Does my arse look big in this?" she asked.

I walked out of the bedroom, went down the stairs, out the front door and walked to the top of the street......

.... called her on my mobile and said "Not from here it doesn`t"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle
Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page
Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid
Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage
Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams
Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner
Q7.. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
* Wet
Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?
*No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Two boys are playing football in the park when one of them is attacked by a rottweiler. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence, forces it into the dog's collar and twists it, breaking the dog's neck. All the while, a newspaper reporter who was taking a stroll through the park is watching. He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition. He writes, "West Brom fan saves friend from vicious animal."
The boy interrupts: "But I'm not a Baggies fan."
The reporter starts again: "Villa fan saves friend from horrific attack."
The boy interrupts again: "I'm not a Villa fan either."
The reporter asks: "Who do you support, then?"
"Wolves," replies the boy.
So the reporter starts again: "Dingle bastard kills family pet..."

DD

[BBB]

You've given the kids ideas how to kill dogs! In your kennel.

[Dingle-Dingle]

Snow White arrived home one evening to find her home destroyed by fire. She was especially worried because she'd left all seven dwarves asleep inside. As she scrambled among the wreckage, frantically calling their names, suddenly she heard the cry: "Villa for the Cup."

"Thank goodness" sobbed Snow White. "At least Dopey's still alive!"

DD

[betterthanbaird]

I don't know how many people look in this thread because it is full of one man's 'jokes' but I saw this on a general football forum and thought it would be worth putting on here (could people spread this and put on other albion forums as well please)

Some of you might recall me ending up in hospital twice in September last year with severe inflammation in my brain which was causing constant pain, loss of vision and some other scary stuff. After lots of tests for brain haemorrhages, tumors and stokes the final diagnosis was Multiple Sclerosis which isn't life threatening but is seriously disabling.

I have lost the feeling I'm my left arm ( im left handed) in both my legs and the lower half of the trunk of my body. I now only have sensation in my right arm, and from my boobs upward on my upper body and it's still getting worse.

My neurologist wants me to have a treatment called Lemtrada which was approved in August last year for use in the UK which will effectively destroy every white blood cell in my body and kill my immune system stone dead after a year my immune system will have recovered enough that the MS will try to cause damage again so I will need a top up but that should be it for a few years, my Central Nervous System will have time to repair the damage done to the Myelin sheath that surrounds my nerve endings in my brain and spine and it will mean that for a few more years I will avoid the need for wheelchairs etc.

The problem is in the last couple of weeks we have found that Southampton hospital and a lot of other specialist centres are refusing to treat us because they have not trained their staff to administer such a dangerous drug ...... This is bullshit, they have administered the drug in their oncology units for 20 years under the name Campath as. Leukaemia treatment in 12 times higher doses. We could be treated but they won't

One of the others waiting like me for treatment and getting worse every day has started an online petition to try and get some pressure put on the hospitals to pull their fingers out and start treating us with a more effective a proved medication that at £56,000 for 8 infusions over 2 years is ONE QUARTER of the cost of Tysibri which costs the tax payer £100,000 per year per patient for monthly treatments that would need to be administered for the rest of our lives.

If you would find it in your hearts to share this please anywhere you can to help us get more support and social media awareness I and all tthe others who desperately need this treatment before the damage is too severe and disabling would truely appreciate your support.

The e-petition is here http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/74987

Please sign, share and help us get the treatment that could give us back our lives, our mobility and independence

Thanks for reading
Tracy xxx

[Dingle-Dingle]

Signed DD

[betterthanbaird]

Good man and some of your (stolen?) jokes are actually quite funny.

[drewks]

Yup - also signed.
Best of luck and fingers crossed for you

[BaggieMan]

Baggie Man signs !
Best of luck Bairdie