[Baggie_One]

Slightly Off Topic, apologies DD, but an interesting read !

https://www.capology.com/club/west-bromwich/salaries/

[Dingle-Dingle]

The G/F and I have just been to the cinema to see that film, 'Suffragette'...
Two hours of a woman's struggle full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration...
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car, we rushed in and caught the end credits...

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?
Well, because that's the way they built them in England, and English engineers designed the first US railroads. Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the wagon tramways, and that's the gauge they used. So, why did 'they' use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that same wheel spacing. Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break more often on some of the old, long distance roads in England . You see, that's the spacing of the wheel ruts. So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.
And what about the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match or run the risk of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.)
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah . The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature, of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system, was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.
And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything!

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

It was only after shooting my 3rd Zombie last night that I began to wonder why they were all carrying bags of sweets, and ringing my doorbell.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.
What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers.
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.

DD#No1

[drewks]

Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.
What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers.
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.

DD#No1   

Where's the "NO OOOO" emoji, Stairs?

[Dingle-Dingle]

What's a ghost's favorite dessert? I-Scream!
Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store!
How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo hooing.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing? Get a broom!
How do you know you've been ghosted? The poltergeist doesn't text you back.
What's a ghost's favorite play? Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car? Fasten your sheet-belts.
What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A night-mare
What room does a ghost not need in a house? A living room.
How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.
What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music.
Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch? He couldn’t spell.
How do mummies tell their future? They read their horror-scope.
Where does a mummy go on vacation? The Dead Sea.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jam has been sucked out of the doughnuts.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine? Because he was coffin too much.
What's a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.
Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers? They hate stakeholders.
Why are vampires bad at art? They are only able to draw blood.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have no body to love.
Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
What do skeletons order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie? He didn't have the guts.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow? A numb-skull.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
Where does a skeleton go for a fun night? Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Do you know a skeleton joke? Yes, but you wouldn't find it very humerus.
What's a skeleton's favorite song? "Bad to the Bone."
Why can't skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs.
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
Where did the skeleton keep his money? In the crypt-o market.
What kind of art do skeletons like? Skulltures.
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument? A trom-bone.

DD#No1