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I went to an Alcoholics Anoymous meeting last night.

Anoymous my R`s, I knew everyone there.

DD #No1 Sick Sick
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Went to fill up the car with petrol earlier and the bloke on pump 4 put £10 worth in his tank.

I thought where the f^&* is he going, pump 3??

DD #No1 Whistle Whistle
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I was sweating today when filling the car with petrol and was sick over the prices.

Yes, I`ve got the Car Owner Virus.

DD Sick Sick
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Ring ring, Ring ring, Ring ring.

"Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Gladys Knight. Please leave your message after the pips."

DD Tongue Tongue
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The G/F has been ranting and raving all day about the bloody internet. I asked her what was wrong.
She said she ordered a book from Ebay and it hasn`t come.
I then asked her what it was called.
"How to scam people online" she said straightfaced.

DD Confused Confused
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When someone in a black BMW 5 Series cuts you up and gives you the bird...

Do not, repeat do not, be pleasantly surprised to discover their car in the underground car park...

And definitely don't cover the bumper mounted proximity sensors with black, self adhesive insulation tape...

Don't be so infantile to sit and watch as they attempt to reverse with every warning light pinging on the dashboard at them...

Or smile when they get out and wander round in bemusement...

And obviously don't drive past and say "Can't park that there mate..."

It's childish and you should never do it.

DD #No1 Big Grin Big Grin
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*** BREAKING NEWS ***

Closing down sale at Chelsea FC.

Everything Moscow.

DD #No1 Doh Doh
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I`ve been looking for a new car and was in the showroom the other day when the salesman came sidling over.
"Morning sir, how do you think we keep the cars here so shiny"?

"Polish"?

"Sorry sir, Jak myślisz, jak utrzymujemy samochody tutaj tak błyszczące."?

DD #No1 Angel Angel
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On the train earlier there was a man and woman sat opposite each other across the table. The man was obviously trying to flirt with her.

The woman said "Everytime you smile I feel like inviting you to my place".

Man said "Awww, are you single"??

She replied "No, I`m a Dentist".

DD Big Grin Big Grin
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In recent years parents have named their children after expensive things. Mercedes, Dior, Chardonnay....

Next year watch out for Electricity, Gas, Petrol.

DD #No1 Blush Blush
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