[Dingle-Dingle]

Breaking news.......

Cannibals have broken into a Convent near Coventry.

Nuneaton.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork.

I thought I`d nailed it, but nobody saw it.

Then I realised it wooden work anyway.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I`m starting to worry about my mate Dave. He`s a bit dyslexic, and he`s just told me he`s looking forward to Feb 14th, it`s vaseline day.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I`m surprised Kurt Zouma is not on the Transfer Meerkat....

I`ll get me coat.

DD #No1

[Salopbaggie]

Well....I got 14 valentines cards, 7 helium balloons, 4 bunches of flowers, 5 boxes of chocolates 2 bottles of good wine, took my breath away!

That bloody security guard at Tesco can really run!!

[Dingle-Dingle]

Oh the Grand old Duke of York.
He had 12 million quid.
He gave it to an American girl.
For something "He never did".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

With all this wind I`m worried about the caravan in our garden.

We didn`t have one yesterday.

DD

[Salopbaggie]

WEATHER WARNING:

Southerners are being advised not to leave the house unless absolutely necessary, due to the severe weather conditions.

Those in the North of England are being advised that they may need a coat.

[derbybaggie]

WEATHER WARNING:

Southerners are being advised not to leave the house unless absolutely necessary, due to the severe weather conditions.

Those in the North of England  are being advised that they may need a coat.

Those in Northern Scotland might need a long sleeved shirt

(It’s amazing what people wear up here in near Arctic weather)

[Dingle-Dingle]

Vladimir Putin, to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids.
He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.
At the end of the talk there is a section for questions.
Little Sasha puts her hand up and says, "I have two questions. Why did the Russians take Crimea and why are we sending troops to the Ukraine?"
Putin says, "Good questions". But just as he is about to answer the bell goes and the kids go to lunch.
When they come back, they sit down and there is room for some more questions. Another girl, Misha, puts her hand up and says "I have four questions. Why did the Russians invade Crimea, why are we sending troops to the Ukraine, why did the lunch bell go 20 minutes early and where the xxxx is Sasha?

DD #No1