[Dingle-Dingle]

I was a bit bored earlier so I rang my local Best Western hotel; A girl answered the phone and said "Hello, Best Western".

I replied "True Grit with John Wayne" and hung up.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

First it was alcohol that kills Covid. Then heat may kill Covid. Now it`s direct sunlight that may kill Covid.
Si if you see me outside in my garden, drunk, naked and lying in the sun. mind your own buisiness.

I`m conducting important medical experiments.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A woman I worked with locked me in her cellar and used me everyday as a sex slave.

One day she forgot to lock the door and I thought "Great, this is my chance". So I ran upstairs and grabbed the phone.

Half an hour later the pizza arrived and I went back down the cellar to eat it.

DD

[Arcane Astral Aeons]

i have a pet fly
as you know they are mostly black
so i guess i cannot kill it
guess i have joined the Black Flies Matter Movement
(Sorry)

[Dingle-Dingle]

It`s weird being the same age as old people.........

DD

[Salopbaggie]

An American was on holiday doing a tour of football stadiums. He was inside the Emirates when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£1,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a member of staff who was passing by what the telephone was used for. He replied that it was a direct line to heaven and it cost £1,000 to use.

The American thanked the man and went along his way. Next stop was Old Trafford

There he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in London and he asked a nearby cleaner what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £1,000, he could maybe talk to God.

'O.K., thank you,' said the American. He then travelled to the Etihad, St James Park and Anfield and in every stadium he saw the same golden telephone with the same '£1,000 per call' sign under it.

Next on the list was a trip to West Bromwich.

He arrived in West Bromwich and headed straight for the ground, there was the same golden telephone, but the sign under it read '50 pence per call.'

The American was surprised so he asked the grounds man about the sign. "mate, I've travelled all over England and I've seen this same golden telephone in many stadiums. I was told that it is a direct line to heaven and for £1,000 I could ring heaven. Why is it only 50 pence here?"

The Grounds man smiled and said, 'You're in the Hawthorns now, son . it's only a local call.'

[Dingle-Dingle]

Times are getting a bit tough so I have decided to raise some money. I will be invoicing all my contacts £5. for this small sum you will recieve a nude photo of myself. Should you not wish to recieve this offer plese remit £25 as soon as possible, TIA

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Students union complaining it`s too dangerous to go back to Uni, because of Covid......... I should think so too, after all the marches, riots and drinking they have been doing these last few weeks.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The Government have announced they have found a cure for dyslexia.

That`s music to my A rse.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Yo Mama so ugly the whole world faked a virus just to make her wear a mask........

DD