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Police see a man with his fingers up another mans arse.
The officer said "Just what do you think are you doing,?"
The man said, "I am trying to make him sick."
"But that will not make him sick" said the police man.
The man replied, " It will when i put them down his throat after tho.".
DD 
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A RAF Group Captain was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.
Whilst waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Group Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure"
A Wing Commander chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work.
A Squadron Leader said it was 50-50%.
A Flight Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the Group Captain turned to the Corporal who was in charge of making the coffee.
What was his opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young Corporal responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The Group Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
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I have decided that my new years resolution for 2015 is I WILL NOT STARTLE THE INCONTINENT. DD 
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With christmas over my thoughts are now turning to booking a summer holiday for the G/F.So far I`ve narrowed it down to an Italian cruise and Malaysian flight. DD
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A Dingle is in bed with his Thai girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on many occasions. Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, "Why do you love doing that?"
She replies: "Because I really miss mine". DD
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A very large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit and, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar she asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"
The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
DD 
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Well done to the Saddlers, terrific win at Preston tonight, almost like a Baggies old boys.
Halfway to Wembley 
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Really chuffed for them. Though slightly worrying times for my old man, whose lifelong promise to my mom has been that he'd buy her a new house/new car/everything else she's ever asked for "when Walsall win the cup". Bit of an amateur's mistake, not specifying which cup...
"I would rather spend a holiday in Tuscany than in the Black Country, but if I were compelled to choose between living in West Bromwich or Florence, I should make straight for West Bromwich." - J.B. Priestley
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(07-01-2015, 23:55)Ska Wrote: Really chuffed for them. Though slightly worrying times for my old man, whose lifelong promise to my mom has been that he'd buy her a new house/new car/everything else she's ever asked for "when Walsall win the cup". Bit of an amateur's mistake, not specifying which cup...
So second leg and hopefully final stand in the way for your mom then Ska'd, if I were your dad I'd hope for the cup win, then begin negotiating 
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(07-01-2015, 23:55)Ska Wrote: Really chuffed for them. Though slightly worrying times for my old man, whose lifelong promise to my mom has been that he'd buy her a new house/new car/everything else she's ever asked for "when Walsall win the cup". Bit of an amateur's mistake, not specifying which cup...
Three guys were out playing golf.
The first guy says, "You would not believe what I had to do to get my wife to let me play golf today. I had to buy her a mink coat."
The second guy says, "That's nothing. I had to promise my wife to take her on a carribean vacation for our next holiday."
The third guy says, "I never have any problem getting away to play."
The other two guys are amazed. "How do you do it?" they want to know.
"Easy," says the third guy, "First I have a couple of beers after work, then I come in after she's asleep, make an awful racket, climb into bed, slap her on the rear and say-'so honey, what's it going to be intercourse or golf course?'.
She always says: "Get your clubs."
DD Up the Saddlers.
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