[Dingle-Dingle]

Ireland is on lockdown due to CorVid19, Paddy & Murphy have been called up by the Army, given a rifle each and told “Martial law has been declared. Anyone out after 1800 it’s SHOOT TO KILL!!”
On the first duty they’re sat on a rooftop when Paddy looses off 3 Rds and kills a man who is walking along the pavement.
Murphy shouts “PADDY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? IT’S ONLY 5:45!”
Paddy replies “I know where he lives...he’ll never fekkin make it home by 6”

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My thoughts go out to all those poor married men who have spent months telling the wife....

I`ll do it when I have the time.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Single man with toilet rolls.
Would like to meet single woman with hand sanitiser.
For good clean fun.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Social distancing.......

If you can smell their fart, move further apart.

DD

[drewks]

THREE CHEEEEEERS FOR DINGLE DINGLE!!

[Dingle-Dingle]

W**KING from home??

You will need better broadband.

DD

[talkSAFT]

Social distancing.......

If you can smell their fart, move further apart.

DD    

Oh, thanks!!!
(Just realised why they call me '3-Metre-Peter' down the pub.)

[Dingle-Dingle]

Social isolation......

I got so pissed last night I can`t remember coming home from the kitchen.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

So Prince Charles is in self isolation, along with........
2 Doctors
4 Nurses.
2 Chefs
3 Soux chefs
2 Butlers
4 Waiters
His hairdresser
2 Drivers (Can`t spell chauffer)
8 Protection officers
2 Personal trainers

The local Waitrose have cleared all other home delivery slots in case he needs a personal shopper.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Social Isolation......

One good thing is I`m saving a fortune on deodorant as everyone has to stay 6 Ft away from me.

DD