[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F told me today that some days, i can be a total bastard
I've chosen mondays and wednesdays.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Autocorrect sucks! Look what I've sent to somebody in the office by mistake...
- "Next Tuesday I'll lick you, suck you and bite you all night!"

- Hahahaha, what did you want to say?

- Thursday

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Have you been the victim of faulty double glazing??

You could be entitled to condensation.

On Monday we start Diarrhea awareness week.

Runs until Friday.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Anyone ever notice the word Saturday has the word "turd" in it?

Sorry, that's a shit joke.

DD

[Salopbaggie]

A Russian female weight-lifter goes to the doctors and tells him "Doctor, I have been taking steroids and have grown a dick".

"Anobolic" the doctor asked. "No, just a dick" she replies."

[Amelia Chaffinch]

Just sung The Lord's my shepherd at this morning's service.

[Dingle-Dingle]

The G/F was cleaning the other day whilst I was watching the Villa match. She dusted the top of the TV and F Me, Jack Grealish fell over.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The G/F said she wanted Chanel No5 for her birthday this year.

She`s going to be really happy.

All I had to to was retune her Freeview box.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I once lived just a stone`s throw away from a family who all died from mysterious head injuries.

DD

[Stairs]

Did you know that 97% of the world population are stupid?

Luckily I am in the other 5%