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Dingle-Dingle Offline
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#2,521
30-12-2019, 12:55
I`m going to order a pizza at 5 minutes to midnight on New Years Eve. Then when it arrives I can complain that I ordered it last year.

DD Doh Doh
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#2,522
30-12-2019, 22:53
I`m knackered, I got a Cluedo swingers edition for Xmas and have just finished the first game. Everyone did it, in every room, with everything.

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#2,523
31-12-2019, 11:43
My resolution is to read more so I have put the subtitles on my TV.

DD Tongue Tongue
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#2,524
31-12-2019, 12:48
My brother's New Year's resolution is to move out of my parents' house. You'd think after 49 years, he'd try another one.

DD Rolleyes Rolleyes
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#2,525
31-12-2019, 13:50
New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.

DD Cool Cool
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#2,526
31-12-2019, 15:55
Another resolution I intend to do........

Take time from my busy schedule to stop and smell the butts.

DD Blush Blush
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#2,527
01-01-2020, 12:50
Happy New 2020 to all our readers, especially any Mayan Baggies. DD Smartass Smartass
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#2,528
01-01-2020, 15:33
Ditto D-D
(from a non-Mayan)

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#2,529
02-01-2020, 16:26
A guy is walking down the street and sees a massive funeral procession. At the front of the line is a man with a pit bull, then 2 coffins, followed by 200 people. Curious, he asks the man what happened.

"Well," says the man, "My pitbull killed my wife last Thursday, then on Friday, he killed my mother-in-law."

The first man thinks about it for a second, and says, "Would you mind if I borrowed your dog for a couple of days?"

The man shrugs, points behind him and says "Get in line."

DD Rolleyes Rolleyes
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#2,530
03-01-2020, 12:48
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a Birmingham publishing house last night.
According to the Press, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled,
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.

DD Smartass Smartass
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