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Dingle-Dingle Offline
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#2,401
02-10-2019, 22:02
I told my G/F I`d always had a thing for Beyonce.
"Whatever floats your boat" she replied.
"No" I said, "That`s bouyancy"

DD Doh Doh
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#2,402
03-10-2019, 12:54
My mate Dave is so engrossed with technology he got a mobile phone implanted into his throat.
When his wife finds out she’s going to ring his neck.

DD Tongue Tongue
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#2,403
03-10-2019, 16:07
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't.

Jack placed 20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.

DD Cool Cool
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#2,404
04-10-2019, 13:04
I called the police about a Murder on my front lawn.

But, they said they couldn`t do anything about crows, and to stop calling them.

DD Smartass Smartass
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#2,405
04-10-2019, 19:48
I have been happier since I change from drinking coffee in the mornings to orange juice.

My doctors says its the reduction in caffine, I think its the vodka.

DD Tongue Tongue
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#2,406
05-10-2019, 12:14
I think I need glasses....... I keep walking into pubs.

DD Cool Cool
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#2,407
05-10-2019, 13:39
It`s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.

It`s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

DD Doh Doh
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#2,408
05-10-2019, 15:19
Did you hear about the Guy who invented Polo`s, he made a mint. But the Guy who invented the hole got nothing. DD Whistle Whistle
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#2,409
06-10-2019, 10:32
I struggle with Roman numerals until I get to 159, then it just CLIX. DD Smartass Smartass
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#2,410
06-10-2019, 20:31
Apparently the clocks go back this month. That`s me burgered then, I can`t remember where I bought it. DD Dodgy Dodgy
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