01-07-2019, 15:52
Do you realise that, if you sit on the toilet at 11;59 and the clock strikes midnight........
It`s the same shit, different day.
DD
It`s the same shit, different day.
DD
Ubique.
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The Off Topic Thread
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01-07-2019, 15:52
Do you realise that, if you sit on the toilet at 11;59 and the clock strikes midnight........
It`s the same shit, different day. DD
Ubique.
02-07-2019, 19:51
Do you realise the word Politics is made up of 2 other words. Poli, meaning many and tics, blood sucking insects?. DD
Ubique.
03-07-2019, 10:49
A GP opened up a letter one morning before surgery.
It said: Dear Doctor Please can you help my husband. He's wanting to make love everywhere, and all the time. There's just no stopping him. It's just too much - I can't put up with it any longer. I'd like to make an appointment for him, please, as soon as possible. Many thanks Gloria Brown. PS Please excuse the wobbly hand writing
03-07-2019, 11:14
My G/F tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic
But I refused, if I'm going to have sex it's going to be on my own Accord. DD 
Ubique.
03-07-2019, 17:46
The G/F was cooking my dinner as I was on my way home from work last night, She phoned me crying and said, "I'm so sorry babe I've burnt everything".
I said, "It's ok, you'll have to get a Chinese delivered". She said, "Delivered to where? We have no xxxx house!" DD 
Ubique.
03-07-2019, 19:29
My mate Dave said he can tighten up nuts and bolts with his butt.
Personally I think he torques out of his arse".. DD
Ubique.
03-07-2019, 21:17
(This post was last modified: 03-07-2019, 21:18 by Dingle-Dingle.)
As a dyslexic, coming out was difficult. But I put my best sequined costume on and attended my first Pride march.
I was really confused as I stood in the crowd at my first MG BGT rally at Silverstone, not what I had expected. DD 
Ubique.
04-07-2019, 09:46
A newly wed couple were on their honeymoon. Before hopping into bed the bride said to the groom, " Darling please be careful....you know I'm a virgin".
The groom was shocked and replied' " What are you talking about? I'm your third husband for Christ's sake!. "Well" the bride replied, "my first husband was a psychologist and all he wanted to do was talk about it" " My second husband was a gynaecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it". "But I know you'll screw me though; that's why I married a lawyer".
Some days I'm top dog, most days I'm just the lamp post.
04-07-2019, 11:32
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes, because I forgot something.
I forgot that I`m old and fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes. DD 
Ubique.
04-07-2019, 12:38
A 70 year old over-weight man decides to go to a brothel as, he hasn't had sex for many years.
He pays his money and selects a young blonde girl as his partner. After the usual preliminaries he climbs aboard and starts humping. After 5 minutes or so he asks the girl, "How am I doing?" "About 3 nots" she replies. "What do you mean 3 knots" he asks. "Your not hard, your not inside and your not getting your money back" she replies.
Some days I'm top dog, most days I'm just the lamp post.
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