16-06-2018, 01:44
I see Germans in their thousands have descended upon Moscow.
Its about 30 miles further than they managed in 1941...
DD
Its about 30 miles further than they managed in 1941...
DD
Ubique.
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The Off Topic Thread
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16-06-2018, 01:44
I see Germans in their thousands have descended upon Moscow.
Its about 30 miles further than they managed in 1941... DD
Ubique.
16-06-2018, 18:59
After a Sunday service, the priest ran out of petrol on his way home. Fortunately, the village garage was only about half a mile away.
Amazingly, the garage did not have any petrol containers. The priest pleaded that the garage owner must have a container that would hold half a gallon of petrol. After much searching the proprietor came up with a chamber pot. Although it was not strictly legal, they filled the chamber pot with petrol and the priest set off happily back to his car. Just as the priest was decanting the petrol into his tank a lorry driver stopped, wound down his window and said: 'Father, I have heard of the miracle of changing water into wine, but I think you're pushing your luck with that chamber pot'. DD 
Ubique.
16-06-2018, 20:51
At a wedding in Wolverhampton today I whispered to a guy next to me, "Isn't the bride a right ugly dog"....
"Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about"...... "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''... "I'm not. I'm her f***ing mother".....!! DD 
Ubique.
18-06-2018, 16:05
I couldn’t undo the buttons on my sweater so I tried pulling it over my head but it got stuck.
I’m at the hospital now, waiting to see a cardyologist. DD 
Ubique.
19-06-2018, 11:29
If you have ever wondered what it`s like to be married......
Find a woman who won`t have sex with you and buy her a house. DD
Ubique.
19-06-2018, 19:17
Just seen a Tunisian with 3 Lions on his shirt....
God I love Windsor safari park. DD
Ubique.
19-06-2018, 23:32
19-06-2018, 23:38
(19-06-2018, 23:32)4evaabaggie Wrote:(19-06-2018, 19:17)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: Just seen a Tunisian with 3 Lions on his shirt.... three lego`s on the shirt yes i know TAXI
@Kristien 1965
20-06-2018, 14:55
I went to the Doctor`s today and he said I was paranoid.......
Well he didn`t actually say it, but I knew what he was thinking. DD
Ubique.
22-06-2018, 13:27
(This post was last modified: 22-06-2018, 13:31 by Dingle-Dingle.)
Understand the subtle nuances of football by simply reading the Facebook posts of Craig from school, who now stocks shelves in Asda. Pay particular attention if they start with 'wot we dun' as there's a very real chance he works with the team.
Now upskirting is illegal, take advantage of down blousing before they ban that xxxx as well. 2 years in prison for upskirting, xxxx that, I will take my chances and go back to rape. The Government are worried that men’s penis’s are getting smaller so they are having a national consensus, they have asked all men with less than 3 inch cocks to display a white flag with a red cross on top of their car to help with the count. I abuse drugs because they xxxx deserve it! "If someone tried to upskirt me I would think they were terribly weird" – Dianne Abbott, sometimes the fat heifer hits the nail on the head. I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost on the way out and now I don’t have a xxxx clue what I’m doing! The politically correct can go suck my Richard! I send flowers “From Steve xx” once a month to my neighbours wife then watch them fighting through my sitting room window with a big bowl of popcorn. All blokes get morning glory, the morning time line travels around the world every day, now that’s one amazing Mexican wave. "I only put my cutlery in the dishwasher. What's wrong with that?", I asked. "Stabbing your G/F with a knife and fork is not "Putting your cutlery in the dishwasher", you sick bastard!", exclaimed the police officer I never know whether to be angry or impressed when I can't get the lid off a tube of superglue. Did you know that owls can't breed in the rain? It's too wet to woo. What goes yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes…… a Scottish independence survey south of the border The vicar needs to choose his words wisely at the funeral of those three graffiti artists killed by a train, don’t for xxxx`s sake say “let us pray”! Got a fathers day card from Moonpig, my daughter hates me calling her that. Gareth Southgate, next time you are out running give Sergio Ramos a wider berth. My suggested new advertising slogan for KY Jelly - "The name that should be on every girl's lips" wasn’t received as well as I hoped. G/F is going to get her hair done today, for the next few hours I will be practicing my reaction…. Saw a woman breast feeding her son on the bus this morning so I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if it wasn’t inappropriate, No she said, its completely natural, then her son popped his head up and said, Yeah, so xxxx off big nose! Every zoo is a petting zoo if you have the balls Opoids doctor finally admits guilt: “I cant go on, I have run out of patience” Life is short ,so be sure to spend 15 hours a day on the Internet seeking validation from strangers Girls - those over-sized, squared-up over-painted eyebrows that look like two slugs about to fight to the death over a piece of lettuce are only attractive to people sexually attracted to Groucho Marx. DD 
Ubique.
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