[Dingle-Dingle]

My dog swallowed the TV remote control. So now I have to pat his stomach to get BBC, rub his neck to get Sky, stroke his back to get ITV and I’ve decided to give up watching Channel 4.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

David Beckham seen walking to the Royal wedding with a stick......... Named Victoria. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The Police have been told to be aware of Aston Villa fans bringing Flare`s to the play off final at Wembley. Apparently that`s what they wore last time they were there. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Science Fact.

If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Inject some fun into your life....

Call in sick to places you don`t work.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The dentist said, "I'm going to give you helium gas."

"Will that stop me from feeling any pain?" I asked.

"No, but when you scream it'll be xxxx hilarious."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

FOR SALE

Packet of Polo's

Unopened

Mint condition.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the
only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open
packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A lady from our local church knocked my door today and told me that, on this religious day I should use the Lord's name to express my views and spread the word. …I said, “Jesus Christ your tits are massive!”

DD (Sorry Vic)

[bomberbrown1968]

Followed this car on the way to work this morning, wasn't until I saw the dingle badge that I realised what it was meant to be.

So good of them to celebrate the 1-5 with their number plate, I would imagine it was made and bought before we annihilated them  


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