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Dingle-Dingle Offline
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#2,081
12-05-2018, 13:01
   

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#2,082
15-05-2018, 01:42
My girlfriend sort of surprised me the other night when she texted me and told me she was next in line to the throne.

Turns out she was in a pub and you know how long the women have to wait sometimes to use the women’s washroom.

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#2,083
15-05-2018, 09:07
My wife left a note on the fridge, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore, I'm going to my mums house!"

I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold. What is she talking about?
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#2,084
15-05-2018, 11:13
Quiz time Folks: The Bangles sang a song called, Walk Like an:

A) gyptian

B) gyptian

C) gyptian

D) gyptian

E) gyptian.

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#2,085
15-05-2018, 23:50
What`s brown and lies beside the piano??

Beethoven`s last movement.

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#2,086
16-05-2018, 12:31
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, my dear friend is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

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#2,087
17-05-2018, 10:53
At the hospital this morning I stared at my G/F through the glass in disbelief. She kept drifting in, then out, in then out, in then out. People were screaming and shouting and running frantically all over the place. Then a doctor screamed "she's crashing"! But thankfully she noticed a bigger parking space in the next lane and pulled in there. No xxxx wonder I'm in here for a xxxx nervous breakdown!!..

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#2,088
17-05-2018, 15:53
If you are happy and you know it..........

You have Metacognitive Awareness.

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#2,089
17-05-2018, 18:59
Prince Harry says he doesn’t want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding.

Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a xxxx, he's still going!
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#2,090
17-05-2018, 19:24 (This post was last modified: 17-05-2018, 19:25 by Dingle-Dingle.)
My Doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation......

I`m worried shitless.

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