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As I looked into her eyes, my knees went weak and I felt butterflies in my stomach.
That`s when I realised...... I had drugged the wrong glass.

DD

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So God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
God said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with everything you say. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history...

DD

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I hear Antonio Carluccio has pasta way.

DD

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Apparently 80% of people who have cosmetic surgery are disappointed by the results. Which is a bit odd, because most of them look pleasantly surprised.

DD

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Why do we put a round pizza in a square box and eat it in triangles??

DD

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Nine-year-old Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

"Well, Mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses deep behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had the SBS recce it, he deployed snipers to cover approaches, he then had his army of Engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Once they were across he radioed Joint Force Headquarters for reinforcements to deny enemy pursuit. They sent RAF typhoon bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his Mother asked.

"Well, no, Mum, but, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never fuckin believe it!"

DD

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Can anyone tell me if I have already posted the Alzheimer's joke?

DD

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I recently spent £6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbour's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ............ but they kind of taste like peppermint.

DD

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Be Careful!!!

Warming:
If youse gets a link called "Free Porn" don´t opin it ?!!"#$%
It is a birus wich deactivats yur Spellcheck and garblis up yur riting.
I alsu receibed its, but lukily I don't does porn so I didnt opin its.
Warn al1 yor vriends.

DD

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If the Human population held hands around the Equator, a significant proportion of them would drown.

DD