[silverbaggie]

A couple were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary and decided to visit the place they’d gone on honeymoon many years before.

A couple of miles from the Hotel he stopped the car way out in the countryside and he said “Do you remember we made love against that fence all those years ago?”

“Shall we do it again?”
He stopped the car and the two old timers made passionate love against the fence.

After they were finished the old boy said “Goodness me my love, you didn’t move like that 25 years ago.”

“25 years ago”, said the woman, “that bl**dy fence wasn’t electrified”!

[Dingle-Dingle]

A monastery decided to start a fish and chips shop. When the shop opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer? Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!..

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I said to the G/F, "You know what, i think our sexual relations have died over the years."
She said, " I know my love, we never even got a card from them last year:"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

An Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed."..

DD

[silverbaggie]

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.

The Officer looked at the photo of her husband that she had given him, questioned her and then asked her if she wanted them to give her husband a message if they found him.

“Yes”, she replied, “ tell him mother didn’t come after all”

[Dingle-Dingle]

A Dingle woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.She was afraid she might have something wrong with her.She decided to seek the advice of the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose". The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery ,reery fass to odder side of room". Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said " OK. now craw reery, reery fass back to me". So she did. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said "Your probrem vely bad. You haf Ed Zachery Disease. Worse case i ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates. "
Worried, the woman asked anxiously. " Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary disease ?."
Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and said, "Ed Zachary disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your arse."

DD

[BaggieMan]

'Ed Zachary' disease must be very contagious as I've seen numerous cases of it in Dinglehampton, both in the male and female of their species.

It's Ed Zarachary what you'd expect in Dingleland.

[Dingle-Dingle]

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,
Observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off
He asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied,
Still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,
And then took her to Alton Towers theme park.
What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park;
The Death Slide, the Corkscrew,
The Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there Was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a Mc Donald's
Where he ordered her a Happy Meal
With extra fries and a chocolate shake..
Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favorite sweets......M&M's..
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you twat!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it fuckin Wrong.

DD

[silverbaggie]

Q:- What do you call a dog with no hind legs and balls made of steel?

A:- Sparky!!

[Dingle-Dingle]

I took a taxi yesterday and the driver said...

"This is the best job in the world, I own this car, I`m my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do."

I replied "Turn left here ".

DD