[BaggieMan]

Government announces new Defence Secretary!

[aries22]

Excellent, and the copper's admiring TP's pristine white trainers!

[Dingle-Dingle]

I've just heard the national anthem for the England women's football team.....

Steam Irons on a Shirt.

DD

[silverbaggie]

A man and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television.

But the Champion knocks out the challenger with his very first punch.

The husband sighs and complains, “That was disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!”

“Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

[Dingle-Dingle]

Yesterday the police arrested the barber just across the street for drug dealing and pimping.
Just proves to show that you can never see through another person whoever it is.
I´ve been a long term customer of him for many years and never knew that he was a barber!!

DD

[silverbaggie]

A man visits his Doctor and admits that his problem is one of premature ejaculation.
It proves to be quite a long session until the Doc asks if the guy is frightened of any thing.
The man has to admit that he is frightened by sudden loud noises so the Doc suggests that he finds some way to frighten himself to delay when nearing his orgasm.

Several days go by when the Doctor, out shopping sees the man limping along ahead of him in obvious pain.
Doctor stops to ask what is the matter and the man says,

"I took your advice and bought myself a starter pistol which I kept on the bedside cabinet."
"A few days ago my wife and I were engaged in the 69 position when I suddenly realised I wasn't going to be able to last much longer, so I reached for the pistol."

"Well what happened then?" asked the Doctor.

"I fired it twice" said the man, "My wife farted in my face, bit two inches of my c*ck and the next door neighbour rushed out of the wardrobe with his hands in the air"

[Dingle-Dingle]

Hillary phoned the president's office shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the president, it’s an emergency!”, exclaimed Hillary.

After some cajoling, the president's.assistant agreed to wake him up. “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, grumbled Trump

.“ A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place.”, begged Hillary.

“Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary.”, replied President Trump.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Sorry to hear about your little accident with the car BEEFY.



   

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Laid in bed last night with the G/F and she said "What would you like to do most to my body"?

Apparently Identify it was the wrong answer.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

"You`re single arn`t you"? I said to the assistant in Subway..
"What makes you think that"? She replied.

"Because you cant make a F5c7!i* sandwich" I said.

DD