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Ebay is totally useless.

I tried to search for lighters but all they had was 13,496 matches.

DD

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My G/F said to me, "Smart men make the best husbands!"

I said, "Smart men don't get fing married!"

DD

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My G/F asked me "What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy"?

I said "Don`t know, don`t care"!

DD

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For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman:;.

The G spot is located at the end of the word "Shopping"!

DD

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I went in to the pub and asked if they did cash back.

"Yes we do" replied the barmaid.

"Good" I said. "Can I have the £50 I spent at lunch time back. The G/F`s going mental".

DD

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My G/F has told me that she has quit smoking.
.
.
.
.
.
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To see if she's telling the truth, I've gone to the pub and left the gas on.

DD

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Last night I went on the Secret Escapes.com Web site to book a holiday .. got a great deal for £299 including flights..
Just wish the Bastards would tell me where it is .

DD

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The G/F just said "There's just no spark anymore" so I Tazer'd her!
I'll ask her again when she comes round!

DD

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I used to date a girl who had a parrot. Bloody thing never shut up.

The parrot was cool though. DD

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Two old ladies are sitting in the laundrette waiting for their wash to finish.
One of them says '' That washing machine is laughing at me''
''No it's not'' replies the other
'' It's just taking the pee out of your knickers''

DD