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I hate Russian dolls......

I mean they are so full of themselves.

DD

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The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmas time?"

Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."

"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. . . Dad comes home from the office, we all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves . . . and begin to sing: 'What A Friend We Have in Jesus'. Then we all go to the Bahamas."

DD

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Dad: "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?"

Son: "Haha you can't fool me again, a chair!"

Dad: "Not this time. Our dog died."

DD

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I’ve just had an operation on my funny bone. The doctor says I’ll be in stitches for a few weeks.

DD

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I nipped down to Cash Converters today to try and raise some much needed cash for Christmas.
Get in! They gave me £3200 and they never even took the gun..

DD

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My mate is flogging Welsh DVD's. Anyone want any?
He's got:
Nine and a Half Leeks
Trefforest Gump
The Lost Boyos
Dai Hard
Sheepless in Seattle
Dai's of Thunder
The Magic Rhonddabout
Independence Dai
and of course, the classic, The Sheepshag Redemption!.

DD Awaiting incoming.

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My missus crashed her car into some guy last night. She told the police the guy had been on his mobile and drinking a beer from a can at the time.
The police said he was entitled to do what he wanted in his own conservatory.

DD

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A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up & never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure & comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do,
She will enable him to express deepest emotions & give in to his most intimate desires,
She will make him feel confident & sexy, seductive & invincible...
No wait... I'm thinking of Alcohol,It's xxxx Alcohol that does that. Sorry.

DD

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I don´t normally ask much of anyone but I am asking people on every possible forum to wish me luck!! I am on my way to speak to the bank manager, and if things work out for me my life will be drastically changed....I'm talking millions here!!!
I am so excited I can barely get the stocking over my head!!

DD

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I`ll just leave this here for you to think about........



   

DD