[Dingle-Dingle]

The best part of a relationship is at the beginning....... When you haven`t met yet and your`e still single. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I told the Judge I wanted a divorce.
He asked "What are the reasons you want one?"
I replied "I just can`t take it anymore. Every night she`s out til after midnight, going from pub to pub"
The Judge said "Why is she doing that"?

"Looking for me" I answered.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

When a woman says "What"?....

It`s not because she didn`t hear you, It`s because she`s giving you a chance to change what you said.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I came out of Asda this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out, She'd lost all her holiday money. I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50.
I don't usually do that kind of thing but I'd just found £2000 in an envelope in the carpark...! Win, win eh?

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I lost the pub trivia quiz by one point last night. The last question was. "Where do women have the curliest hair"?

Apparently the correct answer is Fiji.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I need to re-home a dog.
It`s a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.
If you are interested, let me know and I will jump over my neighbours fence and get it for you.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Women are like bacon.
They look good.
They smell good.
They taste good.
And they will kill you slowly.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I was doing the crossword in the pub earlier and said to my mate Dave.. "I `m stuck on this one clue. Flightless bird from Iceland (6,7)"
He thought about it for a minute and replied,, "That`s easy ya thick twat, frozen chicken."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

This morning I got a letter through the post with a photo of my car taken by a speed camera.
I decided to send it back. It was way too expensive and the picture is poor quality.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

There`s nothing to compare to sitting by an open fire....
Watching the evidence burn.

DD