Thread Rating:
The Off Topic Thread
Dingle-Dingle Offline
Pensioner.
*****
Posts: 5,456
Threads: 69
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 6
#2,221
28-05-2019, 20:32
Was in the pub a few months ago with my mate and these 4 huge bastards started mouthing off at us.
"Pretend we`re the police" my mate said.
I only got half way through the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the shit out of us.

DD Doh Doh
Ubique.
Find
Reply
Dingle-Dingle Offline
Pensioner.
*****
Posts: 5,456
Threads: 69
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 6
#2,222
29-05-2019, 11:39
Sat in a restaurant last night when the Waiter came up and said "Ready to order Sir"?
"My G/F has just gone to the Ladies room" I replied.
"Oh, any idea what she`s having"?

"Well she`s been gone about 10 minutes, so probably a shit"!

DD Big Grin Big Grin
talkSAFT likes this post
Ubique.
Find
Reply
Dingle-Dingle Offline
Pensioner.
*****
Posts: 5,456
Threads: 69
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 6
#2,223
29-05-2019, 18:38
Sat outside the pub with my mate Dave earlier watching some sexy female joggers go by when Dave asks "So hows your sex life then"?
"Oh nothing special" I replied, "I getting Social Security sex"
"Social Security sex"? Dave asks "I`m confused"

"Yeah you know, I`m getting a little each month,but not enough to live on".

DD Rolleyes Rolleyes
Ubique.
Find
Reply
Dingle-Dingle Offline
Pensioner.
*****
Posts: 5,456
Threads: 69
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 6
#2,224
30-05-2019, 20:53
I`ve just been to see the Meercats at the zoo. How dissappointing, they know nothing about insurance. DD Rolleyes Rolleyes
Ubique.
Find
Reply
Dingle-Dingle Offline
Pensioner.
*****
Posts: 5,456
Threads: 69
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 6
#2,225
31-05-2019, 12:44
Sat outside the pub with my mate Dave when he says" I`m worried about my sex life with the G/F, she seems to have lost interest".
"Try being rough with her, pull her hair a bit, slap her arse, tell her she`s a dirty whore, that kind of thing..." I replied.
"Christ mate.. I don`t think she`d like that" he said.

"Are you kidding.... She xxxx loves it".......

DD Angel Angel
Ubique.
Find
Reply
Dingle-Dingle Offline
Pensioner.
*****
Posts: 5,456
Threads: 69
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 6
#2,226
01-06-2019, 01:42
Tonight I gave the G/F a taste of her own medicine.
We went into 10 different pubs, only to go back to the first pub we went in to buy a drink.

DD Whistle Whistle
Ubique.
Find
Reply
Dingle-Dingle Offline
Pensioner.
*****
Posts: 5,456
Threads: 69
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 6
#2,227
01-06-2019, 17:10
One thing that`s always bothered me....

Why do we recite at a play, but play at a recital??

DD Huh Huh
Ubique.
Find
Reply
Dingle-Dingle Offline
Pensioner.
*****
Posts: 5,456
Threads: 69
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 6
#2,228
06-06-2019, 20:59
The G/F said she liked it Doggy style, so after we had finished I rubbed her nose in the wet patch, and said "No". DD Big Grin Big Grin
Ubique.
Find
Reply
Dingle-Dingle Offline
Pensioner.
*****
Posts: 5,456
Threads: 69
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 6
#2,229
07-06-2019, 10:56
It`s very rare that I hope my G/F has farted, but I`m praying that smell coming from the kitchen is not my breakfast. DD Rolleyes Rolleyes
Ubique.
Find
Reply
Dingle-Dingle Offline
Pensioner.
*****
Posts: 5,456
Threads: 69
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 6
#2,230
07-06-2019, 13:06
I`m thinking of going into buisiness making glass coffins. Just wondering if they would be popular?

Remains to be seen...... DD Doh Doh
Ubique.
Find
Reply
« Next Oldest | Next Newest »


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 306 Guest(s)