[Dingle-Dingle]

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty... 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells,

'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?

It was Mummy Bear who got up first.

It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.

It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.

It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.

It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.

It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants..

It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-ar**ses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once.....

'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!!!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A new study funded by of course the taxpayer, i.e, you and me has found that humans eat more banana´s than monkeys. I can´t remember the last time i ate a monkey mind.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I was with guy from Wales talking about a few things. I asked him how many sexual partners he has had he started counting but fell asleep before he could finish.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

If you`re kinky and you know it clap your.......
Oh they`re tied, never mind.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I came home drunk last night and my G/F wasn't happy. "How much have you had to drink?" she asked, staring at me.
"Nothing" I slurred.
"Look at me!" she shouted, "It's either me or the pub, which one is it?"
I paused for a second and said, "It's you, I can tell by the voice."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F said "Undress me with your words".

I said "There`s a spider in your bra....."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I`m sure my mate Dave is having an affair with my G/F.
He`s been a right miserable bastard just lately.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I was walking home last night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery...3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them “I understand. I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.”

Never seen anyone running for their lives so xxxx fast.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The G/F just said "C`mon let`s run upstairs and make love"

I replied "Good grief woman, I can`t do both".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F sent me a text last week....
"When you get home from work, I`m going to strip naked and do a sexy dance dor you".

So far I have clocked up 94 hours overtime.

DD