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The Off Topic Thread
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11-08-2017, 01:55
I`ve been working my whole life since the age 15 and I`ve finally saved enough money to buy this....
It a picture taken with my new £70 digital camera. DD 
Ubique.
11-08-2017, 13:47
How old are you now DD ....... 17. A very rich man going on your comedy
11-08-2017, 20:33
Wearing cotton socks will ensure you will constantly be blessed.
DD
Ubique.
11-08-2017, 23:16
A woman was ordering a meal in this posh restaurant.
“I’d like the lamb chops please” she said, “and make them lean would you?” “Certainly madam” replied the waiter, “In which direction?” 
Some days I'm top dog, most days I'm just the lamp post.
12-08-2017, 01:51
Today`s advice for the ladies.........
Go bra-less. It will pull the wrinkles out of your face. DD
Ubique.
12-08-2017, 19:13
Once my friend asked me if I could write a paragraph without using the letter 'e'.
My response was — I doubt I can. It’s a major part of many, many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It’s as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It’s not worth doing.”`` DD
Ubique.
13-08-2017, 23:25
Q:- Why did God create men?
A:- Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.
Some days I'm top dog, most days I'm just the lamp post.
16-08-2017, 21:54
The water companies are always complaining about low water levels in their reservoirs.
Well, I drive past my local reservoir every day, and each morning I fill a bucket of water from my tap and empty it into the reservoir on my way to work.. If everybody did the same, these reservoirs would be full in no time. DD
Ubique.
16-08-2017, 23:13
A man was driving down a country road and was flagged down by a policeman on a motorbike.
The policeman said “ Excuse me sir, but there’s a lady about a mile back who says that she’s your wife and that she fell out of the car when you went over a bump in the road” “Thank God for that” the man said “I thought that I’d gone deaf. 
Some days I'm top dog, most days I'm just the lamp post.
17-08-2017, 13:41
Dearest Dad,
I'm coming home to get married soon, so get your cheque book out. I'm in love with a man who is far away from me. As you know, I'm in Australia and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, and had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of a relationship through Viber. My beloved Dad, I'd like your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding. Lots of love and thanks. Your daughter, Lilly THE RESPONSE My Dear Lilly, Like wow! Like cool! I suggest that you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal. And when you get fed up with your new husband, sell him on eBay. Love, Your Dad DD
Ubique.
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