[Dingle-Dingle]

I was watching the women's golf earlier. They couldn't drive but, boy, could they use an iron.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I'm currently using that app on my phone where you swipe to find monsters in your area.

Tinder.

DD

[BBB]

Why is a person playing a piano called a pianist, but a person driving a racing car not called a racist?

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea, does that mean that one will enjoy it?

[Dingle-Dingle]

Sick and tired of hearing these Olympic athletes saying,
"How much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made."
What do they want?.......... A xxxx medal?

DD

[4evaabaggie]

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea, does that mean one out of five will enjoy it.
I have seen the blokes at work watching those videos ........... whatever floats your boat. Or should that be log.

[Dingle-Dingle]

Just bought the G/F a brand new Aston Villa FC bra, but she hates it....The support is shit and the tits don't stay in any cup for long!!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I phoned the local radio station today. The presenter answered and said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize."

"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.

"Feel confident?" he asked. "It's a maths question."

"Well, I've got a degree in maths and teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.

"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 front row seats to a Justin Bieber concert and to meet him back stage what is 2+2?"

"7" I replied !!!!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

"Look what I made Grandad" Said my 8 year old Grandaughter.

"What is it ?" I replied.

"I made a pair of binoculars out of toilet rolls!"

"Great" I replied...... "This is what 8 year olds in China are making" I said holding up my I-Phone.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I took my Grandaughter to the supermarket with the G/F today.
It was all going well until we got to the checkout.
"I want some sweets," she said.
"No, you had some in the car," I replied.
Well that was it. Screaming, she threw herself on the floor, kicked and spat, and cried so loudly that she pissed and shit herself.
Naturally, my Grandaughter and I were mortified.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I had a job interview today and I was told the wage is
£7.00 per hour going up to £15.00 per hour in 3 months
the guy asked me "When can you start"
I replied "In 3 xxxx months",,

DD