[Worldclassalbion]

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called out of the blue to see if I was still around.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic".

"Wow!" I was flabbergasted.

"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."

She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge"..

"Yeah," I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.

She teased me saying that tubby, grey-haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to feck off!!!

[drewks]

A load of books just toppled onto my head - still i suppose i have only got my shelf to blame

[Dingle-Dingle]

Can't be arsed watching the Olympic opening ceremony on Friday.
If I wanted to watch 700 people walking around in tracksuits, I'd go and spend the day in Liverpool.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I walked into Sainburys today, and the sign inside the entrance said "Try Something New Today"
So I turned around and went to ASDA...

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The G/F came back from buying her costume for a fancy dress party earlier.
"Stay there" she said to me, "while I nip upstairs and put it on to show you."
She came back down, opened the living room door and stood before me.
"F%^k me, that's a winning costume you've got there." I told her. "That's the most convincing killer whale outfit I've ever seen."
"I'm a nun, you smart arsed f%^ker"!!! she said.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

First weekend of the Olympics and Romania have taken gold, silver, bronze, copper, lead
and anything else they can get their f56kin hands on!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The Chinese Government have just announced they expect their athlete Che Ting Twat to win the 1st gold medal on offer at the Rio games.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Barack Obama is scheduled to speak at the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Nervous, he asks for a teleprompter.

On the day of the speech, he takes to the podium and starts, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh."

An aide quickly rushes to his side and whispers, "Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is below that!"

DD

[BaggieMan]

Nice to see Vile starting off the season as they ended the last one and no doubt will continue to do so.

[Arcane Astral Aeons]

Now Now
(snigger snigger)
lets not.....oh fook it....lets......all laugh at them

ha ha ha ha ha

i was reminded yesterday that they won the European Cup!!!!
I Never Knew That