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The G/F was in the jewellers admiring a big diamond ring. as she leans down for a closer look a little fart slips out. hoping no one noticed she asks "how much is that one?"
The Jeweller said "Madam, if you farted looking at it, you'll shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

DD Laugh Laugh
Ubique.
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Five men in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customs agent stops & tells them that it is illegal to put five people in an Audi Quattro.
"What do you mean it's illegal ?" asks the driver .....
"Quattro means four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just the name of the car," retorted the driver in disbelief .....
"look at the papers, this car is designed to carry five persons."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies the Italian customs agent,
"Quattro means four ..... you have five people in your car and are therefore breaking the law".
The driver replies angrily ....
"You idiot ! ..... call your supervisor over immediately ..... I want to speak to someone with more intelligence !!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, " he can't come now .....he's busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno !!"

DD Big Grin Big Grin
Ubique.
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https://www.justgiving.com/maxandthemac12/ Just letting our friends know whats happening with our friend !!
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"......My Dad has now had two chemo sessions at the CDC which has seen him eat noticeably better."

Sounds promising, Imre, if I'm not being too optimistic. Send Steve all the best from Baggies fans.   Thumb up
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with
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(17-02-2016, 10:34)talkSAFT Wrote: "......My Dad has now had two chemo sessions at the CDC which has seen him eat noticeably better."

Sounds promising, Imre, if I'm not being too optimistic. Send Steve all the best from Baggies fans.   Thumb up

Thanks for your support talkSAFT!!

I believe the chemo is to make things a little more comfortable for him in his final months.  The doctors have given him until June but Steve being the optimistic guy that he is has just stumped up for his season ticket for next season!!!!  Lets hope that he can prove the doctors wrong and that Wednesday can finally get promotion back to the PL this season to give him something to hold on to through the summer!!!
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Thank you to the Baggies that have contributed to this cause so far, your support is greatly appreciated!!! Thumb up

And DD, keep posting the jokes, no need for that to stop on here!!!
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The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire.
With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided his hands through this tender, often hidden territory, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"
Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again.
WOMEN JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES !!!!!!!

DD Rolleyes Rolleyes
Ubique.
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I`d hate to work in a Job Centre.

Just imagine if you got fired.........

You`d still have to turn up the next day.

DD Doh Doh
Ubique.
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While walking along the banks of Birmingham canal this afternoon,a lady on the other bank called out."Excuse me,how do I get to the other side.?"
The daft cow must've thought I was stupid,I replied."You're already on the other side you silly old moo."..

DD Dodgy Dodgy
Ubique.
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Life is like a Penis........

Rude.. If easily offended stop here..
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Simple.., Relaxed and hanging freely.

It`s the women that make it hard.

DD Big Grin Big Grin
Ubique.
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