[Dingle-Dingle]

   

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

They`re now putting Viagra in tea bags. It does nothing for your prformance but it stops your biscuits going soft. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

An old man aged 90 gets married to a young girl aged 20 and goes to his doctor for viagra. The doctor says ''sorry but giving a man aged 90 viagra can be dangerous''.
The old man pleads and begs for viagra, after a while the doctor gives in and states though it can only be taken under strict guidelines and only for five days.
The doctor says take ''half a dose ,skip a day, half a dose skip a day until the fifth day''.
The old man does this for the five days, when his wife rings the doctor and says ''he's dead''.
The doctor said ''I knew if I gave him viagra it would kill him''.
The wife said ,''No it wasn't the viagra that killed him ,it was all that bloody skipping'.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I parked in a parent and child parking space at ASDA the other day. The security guard told me off. I then pointed out to him I had my 84 year old mother in the car. His face was a picture. DD

[Stairs]

I parked in a parent and child parking space at ASDA the other day. The security guard told me off. I then pointed out to him I had my 84 year old mother in the car. His face was a picture. DD    

I do actually use these spaces when my daughter is with me. She is 22 and it really pisses her off

[Dingle-Dingle]

I was walking through Wolverhampton when I was stopped by a young kid, about 10 i´d say, outside the newsagents.
"Can you buy me some cigarettes please?" he asked.
"Sorry kid, no," I replied.
"Come on," he said, "They're not for me, they're for my dad."
"Well, why can't the lazy bastard get them himself?" I asked.
"He's not 18 until February," came the reply.

DD

[talkSAFT]

I bet Elvis is turning in his grave. His latest Album is a disgrace to the memory of the King of Rock.
Somebody's making a fortune out of him - shame on them!

[Dingle-Dingle]

A doctor is making a routine call to one of his elderly patients. He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Johnson?"
Mr. Johnson replies, "I feel just fine, Doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pee, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!"

The doctor is worried that the old guy is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.

The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Johnson, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."

Mrs. Johnson yells, "STEVEN! Dad's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Butt."
The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."
The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Butt."
The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth.
After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."
The girl exclaims, "Glad Ass -- Happy Butt -- what's the difference?”

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A blonde drops off a blouse at the cleaners. As she is leaving, the woman behind the counter says "Come again",

To which the blonde replies "No, it´s toothpaste this time".

DD