[Dingle-Dingle]

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
Attending a “harmony for couples” weekend, Dave and his partner Ann, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He then addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?"
Dave leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it ?"
Thus began Dave's life of celibacy.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Never p!$$ off a woman............ They remember things that haven`t happened yet.

DD

[themaclad]

There are some scum about just seen four Sunderland fans playing football with a cat was going to call the RSPCA but didn't because the cat had just gone 1 up

[Dingle-Dingle]

A Dingle woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.
The daughter said to her mother, My hands are freezing cold.
The mother replied, Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, My hands are freezing cold.
The girl replied, Put them between my legs. The warmth of my
body will warm them up. He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the
daughter. He said, My nose is cold.
The girl replied, Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up. He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter,
and said, My penis is frozen solid.
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her
mother again, and she says to her mother, Have you ever heard of a penis?
Slightly concerned the mother said, Why, yes?! Why do you ask?
The daughter replies: they make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don’t they?

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A Dingle woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man!
Have you, Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out of it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill.
I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Ladies. It`s cold out there......... Burn your Bra`s to keep warm.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

As I ran out of the supermarket this morning, the fat security guard started chasing me.
After running around the car park a few times, I finally came to a stop.
He grabbed me by the collar and breathlessly said, "Open your jacket."
So I unzipped it and said, "I've got nothing mate."
"Then why the heck did you run?" He asked.
"Because I thought you could do with the exercise you fat b*stard." I replied

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

This Christmas, in lieu of gifts, I've decided to give everyone my opinion!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Mary had a little lamb.

It`s fleece was white as snow.

But Mary loves a curry.

And now it`s fleece is a throw.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.

DD