[Dingle-Dingle]

A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, "Honey, I have great news! We're pregnant, and we're having twins!" The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, "Honey that's wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we're having twins?" She nods her head and says, "Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I`m sick of people knocking on my door looking for donations.

Just had a woman from the Sperm Bank........

Boy did I give her a mouthful..........!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A man at a Beyoncé concert was escorted out after slapping the singer's ass.

Reports suggest it may stop wobbling sometime tomorrow..

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Said to my mate, "I´m really worried about me Mrs, she has not talked to me in months, i´m thinking of getting a divorce."
He said, "I`d think twice about that pal, not many guys have that much luck!"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Keys....... Check.

Gloves ......... Check.

Ski mask......... Check.

Body bag.......... Check.

Oh wait, wrong list.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

In 1815 women had no rights.

In 1915 women fought for some rights.

In 2015 women are always right.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

You know it`s getting cold outside when.............

You trip over Dog Shit instead of stepping in it.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Woke up this morning with a glass of water and a note next to my bed saying, "For hungover me".

I took a sip........ It was Vodka.

Drunk me is such an asshole...........

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

"Knock Knock."

"Who's there?"

"It's the police, sir."

"You'll have to wait, I'm having a shit."

"We know, sir; the phone box has glass sides!"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's bonnet.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

DD