[Dingle-Dingle]

An English lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?"

"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault".
"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.
"In the park just down the road" she replied.
"Can you describe what happened?"
"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".
"Could you give me a description of him?"
"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg".
"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.
"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Australian Cricketer".
"That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?"
"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Took my G/F to the Doctor`s today to sort out her Tourettes. Turns out she doesn`t have it. I really am a C&^% and she really does want me to F"£$ Off. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, “Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?”
“I’m in love.” the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?”
“With you!” he said.
“But Johnny,” she said gently, “don’t you see how silly that is?
It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” the boy said reassuringly, “I’ll use a condom!”

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had a few drinks. Cool Guy...... Totally misunderstood. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I woke up bald this morning. I think the G/F misunderstood when i suggested she shave her TWa" DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

What do you do when you miss your Ex??

Reload and shoot again. DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Two deaf people get married.
During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals?
For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time.
If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife,
"Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time.
If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The Swimming Race
There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim from the mainland to Vancouver Island, doing only the breaststroke.
After about 14 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner.
About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line in second.
Nearly four hours after that, the blond finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporter asked why it took her considerably longer to finish the race, she replies, "I don't like to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms!"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My 6yr old Grandson is brilliant at Maths. When I asked him recently what 7, 12 and 19 were, he immediately replied "BBC 3, Sports channel and Dave".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC.

25% of women in this Country are on medication for mental illness.

That`s scary.

It means the other 75% are running around untreated. DD