[Dingle-Dingle]

There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man..
They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was Wind - but I was wrong, too!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

These two Irishmen had fought for the rebels in a South American republic.
Captured by government troops they faced a firing squad.
'Is there any last word you would like to say before you're shot?' asked the captain.
'Yes,' shouted Flanagan. 'I'd like to say that your president is the biggest twit on God's earth.'
'Quiet!' snapped Murphy. 'Don't cause trouble!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I told the G/F the other day that she could make ice cubes out of leftover wine.

She looked at me totally confused and said "What`s left over wine"??

DD

[Worldclassalbion]

My next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line.

I nearly shit her pants.

[Dingle-Dingle]

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.? I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex
After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the U.S. study were incorrect. After three years of research and a cost in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to conduct their own study.
The Poles didn't really trust the U.S. or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75, the Polish study was complete. The Polish study came to the conclusion that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

There`s a Moron in every workplace.............





And they usually get paid more than you do!!

DD

[aries22]

 ,Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man..
They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was Wind - but I was wrong, too!

DD    

I don't get that, unless you mean the guy's simply shit himself?

[talkSAFT]

I know it's been mentioned 100 times now?
But I hate anyone who talks like this?
I think it all started in Neighbours? The Aussies have a lot to answer for?
But it's crept through this country? And in every American programme with silly grinning teenagers they all talk like this?
Problem is even 5 year-olds are talking like it now?
The Teachers ought to stop them, but they all talk like it?
I might be a miserable old bastard? But it does my head in?