[Dingle-Dingle]

Yvette Fielding on Celebrity Masterchef?
Isn't that a stupid idea?
Isn't an ex-Blue Peter presenter just gonna go under the counter and say "here's one I made earlier!"?

DD Unashamedly stolen from my M8y Iain.

[Dingle-Dingle]

Why didn`t the toilet paper cross the road.

It got stuck in a crack.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently "In HD Surround sound" Is not the right answer.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Been checking out a dating website.............

Fake lips, fake breasts, fake nails, fake hair, and fake lashes.

These women have to cheek to say the`re looking for a REAL man..

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

"My missus is always askin' me for money," said Aynuk. "Mornin', noon an' night, she never stops."
"Cow me," said Ayli, "what's 'er spend it on?"
"I doh know," said Aynuk, "I never gid 'er any."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F said " What would you do if I started smoking"?

I said "Slow down and use more lube".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.
She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.
The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment.
I was wondering, what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "the best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and £1500 a month in living expenses."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A man moves into a nudist colony.
He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture.
But being too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony.
He cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part.
Later, he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother.
The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends her the bottom half.
He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother.
It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style... it makes your nose look long!"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Just read an article on the dangers of drinking.........

Scared the shit out of me.

So that`s it ..... after today no more reading.

DD

[Salopbaggie]

Teacher - "Can anyone tell me what Robin Hoods girlfriend was called?"

Johnny - "I know miss... Its Trudy Glenn!"

Teacher - "Nice try Johnny, but no, its Maid Marion"

Johnny - "No it isn't miss..."

Teacher - "Erm, yes it is Johnny, why would you think its not?"

Johnny - "The answer is in the theme tune miss... "Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glenn""