[Dingle-Dingle]

With the introduction of female referees for the first time in the premier league, players have been warned they may be booked for fouls committed years ago which they have completely forgotten about.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Tell your girlfriend she`s beautiful 1000 times and she thinks nothing of it.

Tell her she`s fat just once and she`ll remember forever.

They say elephants never forget.

DD#No1 

[Dingle-Dingle]

Karen, one of the tenants in one of my flats has wrote to me saying her pronouns are now They/Them.

I wrote back refering to her tenancy agreement regarding occupancy and informed her I would be doubling her rent.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Top Tip for Veganuary.

When cooking Kale smother it in Coconut oil. Makes it easier to scrape into the bin.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Took the G/F to Subway today and asked the girl behind the counter to make me a sandwich. She said "Certainly Sir".

Turned to the G/f and said, "See how easy it is"

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Isn`t it weird that the Government can police the Red Sea, but not the English Channel.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Woke up this morning and it`s as if Santa came to my house last night.

I have a trampoline, a garden shed, numerous pairs of socks, a patio table and a Ryanair 737MAX8 out in the back garden.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Just seen on TV the forcast calls for....

Rane, hale, drissle, thundre, litnin and frizzin culd.

Just a really bad spell of weather.

DD#No1

[derbybaggie]

Now the Euro’s have ended we’ve started playing a new U2 themed board game called Bonopoly.

It’s like regular Monopoly but where the streets have no name.

[derbybaggie]

Scientists are studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds.

They've left no tern unstoned.