[Dingle-Dingle]

Was in bed with the G/F last night and I said "Tell the truth, what would you like to do to my body"?

She replied "Identify it".

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

There's a big pothole in a street in Wolverhampton that caused so many accidents and a lot of injuries.

The Mayor held a meeting with the most intelligent people of the neighborhood to discuss solutions for this problem.

The first suggests putting an ambulance next to the hole, so whenever an accident happens the victims can be transported to the hospital and get treatment.

The second points out that there may be a scenario where a big accident happens while the ambulance is busy transporting victims of another accident; and he suggests to put 10 ambulances instead of just one.

The third interrupts and raises concerns about the prices of petrol and how building a hospital next to the hole would cost less in the long run.

That's when the mayor interrupts them and tell them that such a solution is very expensive, and instead he decides to get the council to fill the hole and then dig a hole to replace it in front of New Cross hospital.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

I got bored last night so I startred looking at members profiles.

Do you know 2 of you have the same girlfriend.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Man Utd have said Liverpool are showing an interest in Harry Maguire.

Chelsea have responded by saying they are not falling for that one.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions
I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle."
She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"
"A Fottle."
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She started laughing and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds rude."
I was so angry I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

A horse walked into a bar, and the bartender asked: "Why the long face? Are you depressed?"
The horse considered this for a moment, and answered, "I think I am not." At which point he disappeared.
Now obviously this is a reference to Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am."
I could have mentioned that earlier, but it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

We must all do our bit to save the planet.

I just unplugged 6 cars outside Tesco that no-one was using

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

What`s the difference between a Kleptomaniac and a Literalist?

The literist takes things literally.

The kleptomaniac literally takes things.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

The Beastie boys are releasing a 5 part anthology.

Parts A-D are free, but you have to fight for your right to part E.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

The G/F and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...

DD#No1