[Dingle-Dingle]

What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch!
What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
What do you call two witches who live together? Broom-mates!
What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry? She flew off the handle.
Why did the witch take a nap? She needed to rest a spell.
What's a witch's favorite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
What do witches get when their shoes are too tight? Candy corns.
How does a witch style her hair? With scare spray.
What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts? I don't know, but it's not working.
What do you call a witch with a rash? An itchy-witchy.
What's the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which.
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Why don't zombies like pirates? They're too salty.
What's a zombie's favorite weather? Cloudy, with a chance of brain.
Why did the zombie become a mortician? To put food on the table.
What do you call zombies in pajamas? The sleepwalking dead.
Why aren't zombies ever arrested? They can't be captured alive.
What's a zombie's favorite treat? You might guess brain food, but it's actually eye candy.
What sea do zombies swim in? The dead sea.
What brand of shampoo do zombies use? Head and Shoulders.
Why don't zombies eat popcorn with their hands? They eat their hands separately.
Where do zombies live? On a dead-end street.
What's a zombie's favorite cheese? Zom-brie.
What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love? A zom-com.
What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaains!
How do you know if a zombie likes someone? They ask for seconds.
What kind of bread do zombies like? Whole brain.
What is a zombie sleepover called? Mass grave.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night. He’s over the moon.

A friend was having a bonfire, and I sprayed it with a fire extinguisher. He was de-lighted.

I always use male and female cutlery on Bonfire Night, with girl knives and guy forks.

Wore my new jacket to see the local bonfire and it burst into flames. Started as a smoking jacket, ended as a blazer.

Slept like a log last night. Woke up as they were building a bonfire.

Wish I’d never got a tattoo of a bonfire on my wrist. Loads of places won’t allow me in with fire arms.

Someone threw my 70s records on the bonfire. It was a disco inferno.

Searched online for something to light a bonfire. It said “no matches found”.

If you get stranded on an island, light a bonfire on the beach. It’s a shore fire way of being seen.

I remember right back to before I lit my bonfire. Those were dark times.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

I've just asked the G/F to name one Qatar player.

She replied 'Eric Clapton'

DD #No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

I`ve just realised that when I hear youngsters saying "old people", that they could be talking about me.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Some people say it`s wrong to fill your animals with helium.

I say whatever floats your goat.

DD#No1

[Salopbaggie]

What do people make about the commentators comment during the France v Australia game tonight, "Strangely left Tom Rodic out of the squad.......... due to one or two problems"???

[Blue Baggie]

What do people make about the commentators comment during the France v Australia game tonight, "Strangely left Tom Rodic out of the squad.......... due to one or two problems"???

Shite stirring & attention seeking idiot.
That covers it.

[Dingle-Dingle]

The fact that some people cannot distinguish the difference between etymology and entomology bugs me in ways I cannot put into words.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Advice needed please.

As a lot of you know I am a Baggie with a bad knee and would love to go to a quiet place, without crowds, and preferably up in the mountains or in the countryside.

Ideally an all inclusive resort type thing.


I intend to spend around £10,000 - £15,000 between accommodation, food and beer just to relax, unwind and enjoy the end of what has been a very hard year.


Does anyone know where I can get the money??

DD#No1