The Off Topic Thread

Dingle-Dingle · 01-09-2022, 10:42

I`ve just done a weeks worth of Cardio, after walking into a spider web.

DD#No1 Dodgy

Dingle-Dingle · 04-09-2022, 22:52

Got a new lady hairdresser in my local barbers. I sat in the chair and she said "What can I do for you"?

I said "Make me look sexy".

She started drinking.

DD#No1 Whistle

Salopbaggie · 11-09-2022, 23:45

A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought,
"I'm too old for this nonsense !"

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

" Have a good day, Sir" said the policeman.

Dingle-Dingle · 13-09-2022, 16:12

Since West Brom last won, we have had a Queen, a King, and 2 Prime Ministers.

RIP Boss.

DD Angel

Dingle-Dingle · 15-09-2022, 20:20

Good People of the Country,
It seems all the money with the late HM Queen’s head on it is no longer legal tender but of course Dingle-Dingle being a reactionary charity are once more stepping up to the plate and are happy to help the nation out by taking care of the money so that you don't have to
Please forward all such monies to Dingle-Dingle, The Old Grain Store, West Bromwich, Staffs
No need to thank us we are happy to help out.

DD#No1 Angel

talkSAFT · 16-09-2022, 09:09

(15-09-2022, 20:20)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: Good People of the Country,
It seems all the money with the late HM Queen’s head on it is no longer legal tender but of course Dingle-Dingle being a reactionary charity are once more stepping up to the plate and are happy to help the nation out by taking care of the money so that you don't have to
Please forward all such monies to Dingle-Dingle, The Old Grain Store, West Bromwich, Staffs
No need to thank us we are happy to help out.

DD#No1

Don't befooled, folks. He's a Laiar.

Dingle-Dingle · 22-09-2022, 11:02

Having a pint in the pub with my mate Dave last night whilst watching Star Trek and i said to him "Gravity is the most fundamental force in the universe".

"What would happen if you took it away"? he asked.

I replied "All you would have left is Gravy".

DD#No1 Doh

Dingle-Dingle · 23-09-2022, 22:50

People have said that I have a unique way of lighting up a room.

It`s actually called arson, and those people were witnesses.

DD#No1 Sick

Dingle-Dingle · 28-09-2022, 10:52

If I murder and bury 10 Vegans in my garden, would I have a mass grave or a compost heap?

Asking for a friend.

DD#No1 Huh

Dingle-Dingle · 28-09-2022, 13:20

Went into Wilko`s earlier and said to The assistant "I need a battery so I can tell the time".

The girl asked "Is it for a clock"?

I replied "I don`t know, that`s why i need the battery"!

DD#No1 Doh