[Dingle-Dingle]

I asked the G/F if I could stroke her hair. She said yes, so I ran my finger over her top lip.

That`s when the fight startred.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Have you noticed how the best cleaning products start with Mr. IE Mr Sheen, Mr Sparkle, Mr Clean, Mr Muscle.

And women claim men don`t help with the housework.

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

People often ask me, how I manage to get my pan so clean, well here we go:

I boiled 1 litre of distilled water, added 2 parts of white vinegar, 1 part of baking soda, 2 cups of Coca-Cola, a dishwasher tablet, and half a lemon. Swirl it for 3 minutes, place the pan in the solution for 45 minutes, add a little chlorine in the mixture.
I then brushed it with a toothbrush and dipped it into the liquid again for 25 more minutes. I placed it in the microwave for 3 minutes with muriatic acid, I rinsed it and it still looked exactly the same, so l went and bought a new one.

DD #No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Doing a big clearout at home and I found an old oil lamp in the attic. For a laugh I decided to give it a quick rub down. Puff of smoke later and a Genie stood in front of me.

"I can grant you one wish" he said.

I thought about it and replied "I wish I could always be happy".

Long story short, here I am, living with 6 other dwarves and working in a mine.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank Of Wolverhampton it was found that Joe Smiff was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon.

When Joe was asked why he had such a long password : he replied

"Are ye feckin’ stupid? I was told me password had to be at least 8 characters long and include one capital"

DD#No1

[Dingle-Dingle]

Last night the G/F got naked and said "Show me a good time".

So I got out the albums and showed her photos of me and the lads before I met her.

DD#No1

[Salopbaggie]

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and went up to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older lad, 'how old are you son?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The pharmacist continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
'Not exactly", the boy said "but they aren't for me".
"Oh, they for an adult" said the pharmacist "No, they're for him. He's my brother and he is four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "It was on Telly that if you buy some of these, you can swim, play tennis and ride a bike and he can't do none of those yet"

[Salopbaggie]

A genie appeared and offered me one wish, being a simple soul with few wants, I just wished to be happy.

Next think I knew I was living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working down a mine.

Worst bit was when I woke up on the first morning, I was feeling Grumpy.

[Dingle-Dingle]

Anyone else find it strange that computers are now asking humans to prove they are not a robot??

DD#No1

[Salopbaggie]

Does anyone else wonder how long it took the first person to hear a parrot speak, to get over it, and how they got on explaining it to their mates down the pub??