[Dingle-Dingle]

Dear Boris,

I have an idea. Put the vaccine in booze, open the pubs and the whole country will be vaccinated in 2 days.

Yours DD.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The Government have just announced a foolproof test for covid that everyone can do at home. All you have to do is fart under the covers when you go to bed. If you can smell it, you don`t have covid.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Years ago I dated a girl who worked for the Kodak film company.

Nothing developed.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The Grandson was doing his homework and asked "Grandad, what do you know about Galileo"?

I replied, "He`s just a poor boy, from a poor family".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I used to jog, but the ice cubes kept jumping out of my glass.

DD

[Salopbaggie]

I have tried the 7 day trial of 2021, I have decided I do not like at and wish to cancel my subscription.

[Dingle-Dingle]

Boris Johnson walks into a Bank
He needs to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"

Cashier: It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?

BJ: Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Boris Johnson, Prime Minister.

Cashier: Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.

BJ: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.

Cashier: I am sorry, Mr Johnson, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.

BJ: Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque.

Cashier: Alright sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without an ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the Thames into a cup of tea held by the bank's chairman without spilling a drop. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.

Another time, Gordon Ramsay came in without an ID. To prove who he was, he made delicious chicken parm right here on my table, called the branch manager a xxxx donkey, and fired everyone at the fish and chips joint next door. With that we knew who he was and cashed his cheque. So sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?

Johnson stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank. There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do."

Cashier: That will do just fine good sir, will that be large or small notes?

DD

[talkSAFT]

Much as I hate useless Johnson for putting his ego above his Country.....I look across the Atlantic and whisper "Phew!!!!".

[Dingle-Dingle]

It was take your kids to work day yesterday, and as mine are all grown up I took the G/Kids. The hated it as I work at a sewerage farm.

You should have seen their little faeces.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Sorry guys, but I REALLY DO need to vent about THE WORST
customer service that I have ever experienced in my life from a
“local business” in town. ???
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for “shop local”, as I believe
that it’s good for the community, but the way I was treated was,
quite simply, APPALLING!!!
I WON’T be mentioning any names but, in short, this is what
happened and I’m still fuming over it.
A couple of days ago I went into this shop and made a purchase
using my debit card. I took it home and found that it didn’t work
as I expected it to. So I took it back to the shop the very next day
and asked for a refund or exchange.
The same man who had sold it to me looked me in the face and
said, quite brusquely, “NO, you can’t have a refund or exchange.”
I was quite taken aback by this and asked to speak to the manager,
who appeared from a back room.
I explained to him how I had bought the item, took it home, and
it didn’t work.
The manager just smiled at me and said, “YOU’RE OUT OF LUCK
MATE, NO REFUND, AND DEFFO NO REPLACEMENT!!!
I’ll tell you what though...I am NEVER buying a lotto ticket from
that shop ever again!!!

Unashamedly borrowed, stolen, copied and misused but.......

DD