[Dingle-Dingle]

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!

DD

[Maddix]

We’re hoping close to Inverness along the Moray coast but anywhere within an hour of Inverness will be fine. I’m hoping to reduce my hours and with COVID I don’t need to travel like I used to do so can work more or less anywhere in uk. Always was a retirement plan but hopefully can do it now a couple of years earlier than anticipated.

Elgin, Nairn or Forres are all pretty nice from the bigger towns. But it depends what you are after really, lots of nice smaller places along the coast.  Good place to take up fishing, if you aren't a fan already.

I'll do your interview at border control  

Thanks HibeeJim, we know the area quite well. Mrs wants closer to Inverness I’d probably prefer more East. We’ll see though.

Inverness it is then  

Dufftown and its distillery's would be my choice

[Dingle-Dingle]

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?

You have to hollow out its head first.

DD

[hibeejim21]

We’re hoping close to Inverness along the Moray coast but anywhere within an hour of Inverness will be fine. I’m hoping to reduce my hours and with COVID I don’t need to travel like I used to do so can work more or less anywhere in uk. Always was a retirement plan but hopefully can do it now a couple of years earlier than anticipated.

Elgin, Nairn or Forres are all pretty nice from the bigger towns. But it depends what you are after really, lots of nice smaller places along the coast.  Good place to take up fishing, if you aren't a fan already.

I'll do your interview at border control  

Thanks HibeeJim, we know the area quite well. Mrs wants closer to Inverness I’d probably prefer more East. We’ll see though.

Inverness it is then  

Dufftown and its distillery's would be my choice  

Good shout - Balvennie and Glenfiddich I think are both there.

[Arcane Astral Aeons]

apparently answering the Place Of Birth question on application forms
Vagina isnt acceptable

[derbybaggie]

Elgin, Nairn or Forres are all pretty nice from the bigger towns. But it depends what you are after really, lots of nice smaller places along the coast.  Good place to take up fishing, if you aren't a fan already.

I'll do your interview at border control  

Thanks HibeeJim, we know the area quite well. Mrs wants closer to Inverness I’d probably prefer more East. We’ll see though.

Inverness it is then  

Dufftown and its distillery's would be my choice  

Good shout - Balvennie and Glenfiddich I think are both there.

Problem is I don’t drink. I might have to start.

[Maddix]

Thanks HibeeJim, we know the area quite well. Mrs wants closer to Inverness I’d probably prefer more East. We’ll see though.

Inverness it is then  

Dufftown and its distillery's would be my choice  

Good shout - Balvennie and Glenfiddich I think are both there.

Problem is I don’t drink. I might have to start.

Just bought a Glenfiddich 12 year old for 27 quid in Asda and yes, you'd better start

Keep waiting for the buggers to reduce the Balvennie 14 year old but they're not moving yet I'll just have to do the Mexican stand off until Christmas eve when they realise that their warehouse space is compromised

[Dingle-Dingle]

Stolen, but true ?
???Me AT SUPERMARKET:
Why is there plastic on the payment keypad?
Cashier: to protect people from Covid.
Me : but isn’t everyone touching the plastic keypad the same way they would the regular keypad??‍♀️?‍♀️
Cashier: no words. Confused look. ?
Me : Why Dont you pack the grocery bags anymore?
Cashier : Because of covid 19 to reduce the spread of catching or spreading the virus.
Me : But a shelf packer took it out of a box and put on the shelf, a few customers might of picked it up and put back deciding they Dont want it, I put it in my cart then on the conveyer belt, YOU pick it up to scan it.. But putting it in a bag after you scan is risky??
Cashier : no words, confused look ?
Me AT DRIVE-THRU
Server: (holds a tray out the window with a bag of food for logical friend to grab)
Me: why is my bag of food on a tray?
Server: so I don’t touch your food because of Covid.
Me: didn’t the cook touch my food? Didn’t the person wrapping my food touch it and then touch it again when placing it in my bag? Didn’t you touch the bag and put it on the tray? Didn’t you touch the tray? ?‍♀️?‍♀️
Server: no words. Confused look. ?
Me in SOCIETY
Society ; If you cough or sneeze do it in your elbow or sleeve,
Also society : Dont shake hands or hug anyone or you will spread the virus..
To greet people do an elbow tap instead.
Me : Elbow tap ?‍♀️? Isn't that where you tell people to sneeze or cough? into their elbow? Now you want people to tap each other with that elbow  ?‍♀️
wouldn't it be safer to sneeze into elbow and shake hands like we did before Covid ?‍♀️
Me AT RESTAURANT:
Hostess: ok, I can seat you at this table right here (4 feet away), but I will need you to wear a mask to the table.
Me: what happens when I get to the table?
Hostess: you can take off the mask.
Me: then it is safe over there?
Hostess: yes.
Me: are those fans blowing above the table? Is that the air-conditioning I feel? Is the air circulating in here??‍♀️?‍♀️ Hostess: no words. Confused look.?
SOCIETY : You are not allowed to stand and drink at the pub you have to sit down.
But at the shopping centre you are not allowed to sit down, all the chairs are roped off.
Who thinks this shit up?
Life is hard for logical people right now. We are being raised without the ability to process and execute logic ?

DD    

[Dingle-Dingle]

What do snowmen wear on their heads??

Icecaps.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Curtesy of my brother, a Vile fan.



   

DD