[Dingle-Dingle]

anyone else worried that Josh is looking at women`s dildo`s

sadly out of stock though. Looked vibrant

This one`s quite Spangly......

https://www.amazon.com/Blush-5-5-inch-Glitter

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I went to a pub yesterday evening and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code because I needed to check a message.
"Oh no" he said, "No wifi in here, people used to sit talking in pubs, about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot. Now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see. Therefore, no wifi in this pub."
"You know what?" I replied, "You're right" and I put my phone away.
"Thank you", the landlord said "In this pub I want you to act as you would twenty years ago".
So I lit a cigarette, gave him 50p for the pint and said "Cheers mate."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

On Government instructions the Royal Navy are to deploy 2 ships in the English Channel.

HMS Taxi and HMS Travelodge will be on 24 hour patrol.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

What happens if you give a politician Viagra??

He gets taller.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Was in the pub earlier with one of my Dingle mates and I mentioned that with all this hot weather we may get a hose pipe ban.

He`s just texted me to say it wont bother him, he`s managed to order 47 hoses online.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

With highs of 33° expected AGAIN today, it's time to ask "could the government have done more?" Downing Street knew about this heatwave weeks ago and have done nothing.
Shipments of 400,000 pairs of Speedos and 500,000 bikinis, sun cream and Cornettos have reportedly been sent back as unsafe after media claims the shipment was quarantined a month ago and Boris did nothing.
Karen from Wolverhampton said, "We just don't know if it's safe to go outside and sunbathe because we can't function or think for ourselves. Boris hasn't told us either way and all my obese kids need ice cream and sweets, the Hubby can't get out to rob anyone so we're out of lager and weed, I blame the government entirely"
Meanwhile, anti- heat protesters dressed in thick jumpers chanting "cold lives matter" have marched on London, Big Ben has been removed and a giant Mint Feast put in its place by protesters.
The BBC reported earlier, 'clearly the sun has come out and Downing street have done nothing to prevent it.'
A second heat Wave is expected to hit the UK in 4 weeks time .

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

The little red riding hood was walking through the forest going to grandma's house
In the midle of the forest, she saw a big shadow behind a tree, she went to see who's there, only to find the wolf.

She asked: Are you the wolf?

He stared at her and answered darkly: Yes i am..

She screamed so hard and ran away as fast as she can till she got tired. After a while she saw a mysterious shadow behind a big rock, she went closer to se who's there, only to find the wolf.

She asked: Are you the wolf?

The wolf staired at her as if he's looking right into her soul and said: Yes i am.

She screamed so hard and ran away as fast as she can till the night fell so she decided to hide in a small cave nearby. she went in, only to find the wolf.

She asked: Are you the wolf?

The wolf said: YES bitch i am! Please i just wanna take a shit in peace!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A dying grandma tells her grandchild....
"I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and £24,548,750.45 in cash."
The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"
With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook..."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Just caught my dangler in my zipper, god it hurts.

Thats it, no more zip up boots for me.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Grandma and Grandpa are trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, has died.
“You know,” Grandma said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”
Susie stops crying and asks, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

DD