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Dingle-Dingle Offline
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#2,961
21-07-2020, 12:49
Breaking news......

Manchester United allow David de Gea to train without a mask, as it`s now proven he can`t catch anything.

DD Cool Cool
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Dingle-Dingle Offline
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#2,962
24-07-2020, 10:43
To the person who stole my selfie stick....

You need to take a long look at yourself.

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#2,963
24-07-2020, 19:37
Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya.
The inventor of the starting pistol.

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#2,964
26-07-2020, 11:53
Now that wearing a mask whilst shopping is mandatory, does that include shopping on line.?? Asking for a friend.

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drewks Offline
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#2,965
26-07-2020, 13:33
(26-07-2020, 11:53)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: Now that wearing a mask whilst shopping is mandatory, does that include shopping on line.?? Asking for a friend.

DD  Huh  Huh

Yeah, I blame the government for not making it clear.
GO get him Laura.
BORIS OUT!! Angry
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#2,966
27-07-2020, 20:55
There are 3 peeping toms in my neighbourhood. I know that for a fact because I have seen them with my telescope.

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#2,967
27-07-2020, 21:59
Do not let them take the temperature on your forehead as you enter the supermarket because it erases your memory.
I went for macaroni and cheese and came out with 2 cases of beer.

DD Dodgy Dodgy
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#2,968
29-07-2020, 08:24
I met my G/F at the Zoo.

There she was in her uniform.

Straight away I knew she was a keeper.

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#2,969
29-07-2020, 18:38
The purpose of propellers on an aeroplane is purely to keep the pilot cool. When they stop turning you can immediatly see him start to sweat.

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#2,970
30-07-2020, 00:57 (This post was last modified: 30-07-2020, 00:58 by Salopbaggie.)
I used to be a postie in a small town.
Everyone in the town knew me.
I retired a few months ago.
As I went around the round on my last day many of the houses I went to, families were greeting me and wishing me well for the future.
I got many gifts, flowers, cards and presents … then I got to the last house on the route.

The woman of the house came to the door stark naked.
She quietly took me upstairs and made sweet passionate love to me for hours until we passed out.
The next morning, she hurried downstairs and made me a huge breakfast. eggs, bacon with all the trimmings.
and she served it to me in bed.

I looked up and said,
“This has been amazing and I am stunned and thankful but … why?”
She replied,
“I asked my husband what we should get you for your retirement before he went on a business trip.”
He said “F*ck him.
Breakfast was my idea.
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