[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F just called me lazy and said I'd better have something planned for Valentine's Day.

I said, "Yes, I was thinking of taking the Christmas decorations down."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane.
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge.
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery.
As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg.
He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!"
"No, you don't understand!" she replies.
"I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I asked my G/F.....
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answered shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I just love to do special things for my G/F on Valentine's day.
Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning.
Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a relationship such as mine.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's?
Yes, I did. Thanks.
Is it still beating?

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

"Hi, what are you doing?"
"Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card."
"Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?"
"No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

How many dead bodies does it take to change a lightbulb??

It must be more than six because it`s still dark in my cellar.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

What's the difference between a £20 steak and a £55 steak?

February 14th.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

What a lousy February. First my grandma died,

And then for the first time in forty years I didn't get a valentine's card from my secret admirer.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Roses are red,

Here’s something new,

Violets are violet,

Not xxxx blue.

DD