[Dingle-Dingle]

Three horrible facts,

1 Today is not Friday

2 Tomorrow is not Friday

3 Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Valentines day is just around the corner.

Surprise your girlfriend by introducing her to your wife.

This message is bought to you by Doves Funeral Services.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Friday is Valentine's day. Don't worry if you're single. You're going to die alone anyway!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

What happened when the man fell in love with his garden? He wed his plants!

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F told me she doesn't want much this Valentine's Day.

She said, "Just some chocolates and a few little surprises will be fine."

Kinder Eggs it is then.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

My G/F just sent me a text saying, "I've just got you the best Valentine's Day present ever! xox"

I really hope she mispelt "Xbox".

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

I asked my friend if he'd bought his wife a gift for Valentine's Day.

He's a bit of a chauvinist pig so he surprised me when he replied, "Yeah, I've got her a belt and a bag."

I said, "That's very thoughtful of you. I hope she appreciates it."

He said, "So do I. And hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work much better now."

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

This Valentine's Day I expect to be inundated.

Sorry... I meant in, undated.

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

It's always exciting to get a Valentine's Day card pushed through your door, with no stamp on it - just your name on the envelope.

Except when you're in prison...

DD

[Dingle-Dingle]

Last Valentine's Day, my fiancee of four years bought me a lottery ticket and I won £5 million.

I wonder what's she doing nowadays?

DD